It's a Love Triangle

A love triangle is often looked on as a bad thing but God has his own love triangle that he made for each one of us to enjoy.  If you are missing out on one aspect of this love triangle you will always feel unsatisfied, with an emptiness that does not go away.  However, God has made this triangle open for all.  We just have to walk up and have our fill.  

What I'm I talking about?  There are 3 kinds of love.  Agape - God's kind of love that is unconditional,  Philia - which is brotherly affection that we get from our friends, family and community and Eros - Romantic love.  All 3 meet a different need in one's life.  So if you have have friends who offer philia love and a husband who offers Ero's love, you will still have a deep desire for more love, in this case Agape.  My own need is for Ero's.  I have Agape, I have lots of philia but I am short on Ero's.  Because of that, I have a need for love that I cannot get from God or my friends.  Some people may look at me and say that God's love covers all my need for love but that is not true.  God cannot love me romantically.  He cannot not hug on me, kiss on me or be intimate with me sexually like a mate would.  The thing to realize is that God purposefully made us that way.  

I was talking to God about this emptiness I have that I couldn't at the time put a finger to and he led me to analyze some issues from my past.  I realized that where Ero's love is concerned I had become like Lazarus the poor man who longed for the crumbs that fell from the rich man's table.  The crumbs were all he ever got. He never sat at the table and ate his own portion.  God has laid out buffet tables of love.  Here I was, looking longingly at the Ero's table and only wishing for crumbs, because for some misguided reason I did not think I was good enough to sit at the table and have my fill of Ero's within God's plan and purpose for me.  What a shame!!!

There is a buffet table fully loaded with Agape love for you to enjoy.  Another table has all kinds of philia love just for you to have your fill.  The Ero's table is also heavy laden with all kinds of goodies.  Why sit here until you die?!!  Walk up to the table you have not enjoyed, sit down and claim your portion.  It's there for the taking!!

I am reminded of the story of the man who prepared a feast and sent his servants to go out and invite the guests for whom the feast was prepared.  The guests all had an excuse for why they could not come to the feast.  When the report came back to the man that none of his invited guests were coming to the party, for each had an excuse, he determined that his food would not go to waste.  So he sent out his servants to the highways and the bi-ways to bring in others who were not previously invited to come and enjoy the feast.

None shall take my place at any of the love banqueting tables.  I will take my portion and enjoy it with relish!  So, square your shoulders, take a deep breath and march purposefully to the love table you have been missing out on.  Take your place at the table, it was prepared for you before time begun.  Eat and drink without cost, for Jesus paid the price at Calvary and don't let the devil or anyone else for that matter, hold you back.  

That Devil Lied!!!

We are told that the devil is a liar and the father of all lies.  So much so, that when he lies he only speaks his native tongue.  No truth can be found in him at any one time.  Hence the reason why we should never allow him to speak to us.  

So I'm chilling by myself yesterday pondering my fast approaching birthday (I will turn 35) and considering all the things that I wanted to have achieved by now.  I have achieved much and I am on track with everything else except the marriage and kids thing.  Suddenly, from nowhere, I get hit by a feeling of despondency and despair and the devil begins to speak.  It took me a second to realize it was him speaking so I gave him ear for a minute.  

I start thinking that marriage will never happen.  Here I am waiting for God to hook things up in his time and the question pops into my mind, "what time?"  If I am turning 35 and he has not done it, which other time is there? Then another thought pops into my head "How about adopting kids and moving on with your life?" I'm like "Yeah!! I could do that!" then God, the voice of reason and peace breaks through all the demonic noise and says "Listen to your inner self.  Is that what you really want to do?"

So I close out all the noise and get quiet and just listen to my inner self.  The answer comes to me clear as crystal.  I don't want kids without a husband.  I want the security of marriage in which to raise my godly offspring according to Malachi 3.  What a relief to have all the crazy thoughts expelled and to know exactly what I want.  

Someone may ask, "Isn't it time to give up the notion and start working on plan B?" I have!  Plan B, C, D...Z are all the same and they are spelled out very clearly in Psalm 46:10 in God's own words: "Be still and know that I am God..."  I will be still and I will let God be God in my life.  Hallelujah! What peace!! What joy!! I don't have to worry about a thing.  My God is working it all out for me!!

...Limbo...

I think I'm going through a phase.  I'm not sure what phase, but a phase.  I am restless about life and feel like I need to make a change... but what change should I make? I have no motivation to do anything. Work feels like a bother and my personal ambition has taken a nose dive.  That shocks even me. I wake up in the morning feeling great only to feel like going back to bed after 2 hours.  What is this?  I am not at all depressed or anything like that.  I'm just in limbo...I HATE LIMBO!!

I am praying that God will show me what needs to change and that I will have the courage to change it.  One thing's for sure, I am still excited about life and I know that the best is yet to come...just as soon as I get out of limbo.