The Virgin Monologues: Part II

Many people look at me and wonder what I gain by waiting to have sex when I get married verses gratifying the desires of my flesh.  I can only say that the benefits of the wait are multiple and significant to me.  

• First, I know that it pleases God for me to stay sexually pure.  My number one priority in life is to please God in all I do. This is the greatest benefit for me.
• I do not have to go into a panic every time my period is late.  There is nothing worse than the panic that sets in at the thought of being pregnant outside of marriage for most women.  Why go through all that drama?
• I do not have to worry about birth control and the hustle that comes with that.  For some it's the pill they can never remember to take daily, for others it's the shot that made them balloon to twice their original size, for others it's convincing the guy to just put on the darn condom... what?  Too much drama!
• I do not have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.  What bliss!!
• Then there is the emotional trauma of sleeping with a guy who you are in love with only to find out that his goal the whole time he was being so romantic and wonderful was to "hit it!"  How now?
• After going through the "love and dump" cycle several times, the bitterness sets in.  Women get so jaded that they come to the conclusion that all men are lying, cheating dogs and there are no good men out there.  Do I really want to become that woman? NO!
• Before long she starts sleeping with men just to scratch the itch.  Sex is brought down from God's ultimate expression of love and affection between a man and his wife to... nothing.  This was not God's plan.  He wanted sex to be enjoyed within marriage and held in honor.

These are just but a few of my reasons to wait and honestly, when I look at the world we are living in today I get more reasons everyday.

The Virgin Monologues: Part I

Some time back a friend put up a very shocked facebook status about discovering that a certain friend of his was a virgin at something like 23 or 25 years of age.  Well, I responded by telling him that virgins exist and that I was one of them.  I expected shocked responses and some dissing but not outright hatefulness.  One of his friends, a lady, came out fists swinging.  Her comment was that all virgins are lonely, lousy, f***heads who basically can't get themselves laid.  What?!! 

One of the things I have to say about that is that anyone on this planet can get laid!  Anyone!  Don't you watch the news? You will see a woman who is stark, raving mad and she will be pregnant or have a baby on her back. How do you think it got in her belly?  Sometimes it will be a mentally retarded girl and she will be just as pregnant as can be.  She will have drool down her chin, she will be filthy, and pregnant.  Some guy did that to her.  How much more a perfectly healthy, beautiful woman?  If you think virgin's just don't have someone to sleep with, you may need to think again.

As for loneliness, I have seen many women who are sleeping with men, sometimes multiple men, getting more sex than is necessary in one lifetime and they are still lonely.  Married women will tell you that they may be sleeping with their husbands and yet are lonely.  Why?  Because one needs to connect on a deeply spiritual level with another person in order for that lonely feeling to disappear.  Sex does not mean that you are connecting on a deeper level with a man or woman for that matter.

In truth, I am a very well adjusted single adult.  In fact, unless I tell you that I have not slept with a man, you will not be able to tell.  I am a choleric personality which means that I am a natural leader and achiever.  I thrive on challenges and achievement.  I am a go getter, very confident and great public speaker.  Most people on the outside looking in can probably not imagine that I know nothing about what goes on between a man and a woman.  At least not by experience.  I say this to say that being a virgin does not necessarily mean that one is dysfunctional or ignorant.  If anything it saves you the drama of heartache and pain that is caused by multiple couplings and break ups.

I think the lady that was so insulting of virgins was really bitter about her own state.  Maybe she had regrets about not staying sexually pure.  Her bitterness and anger showed at a very unlikely time to a person she did not even know.  My only hope is that she can discover the God who restores things and makes them new again. Including virginity. By so doing she may discover the joy of secondary virginity.  If you are in her shoes, you can too.  It's a great place for self discovery.  Try it!  You just might like it.

Yes! I am almost 35, A Virgin and I Refuse to Compromise!!

I think the question that cracks me up and irritates me the most, at the same time, is the question about my marital status.  Everybody looks at me and wants to know why I am not married and now that I am officially in my mid thirties the question has become "When will you have kids?" I used to worry about those things and then I read in God's word that I should be anxious for nothing, but in all things I must let God know what I need and then let his peace guard my heart and mind (Philippians 4:6-7)

The statement that follows that question is usually "If you don't want a man (they assume men are a bother to me)  you should just find one to impregnate you so you can at least have a child or two to raise on your own."  I find that very interesting especially because it often comes from women who are born again.  In their minds, I am allowed to put aside my salvation, marry an unbeliever and trust God to save him, or get pregnant if I find men a bother and don't want to live with one.  Can you say messed up mentality???!!!

Many times I have been looked at as a fool for waiting on God well past the "acceptable waiting time."  I will be 35 years old in 3 months, I am still a virgin and I still refuse to compromise my faith.  How can I leave God, even for a moment, to go fend for myself on something as important as a life partner?  I trust God to know what I need, when I need it.  I trust him not to withhold any good thing from me in accordance with his word (Psalm 34:10, 84:11, 103:5).  I trust him to build me a house just like he told David he would do for him in 2 Samuel 7:11b "...Furthermore, the Lord declares that He will make a house for you..."  This same God shall make a house for me.  He will settle me in my own home as a happy mother of children.  I will indeed have a quiver full of them.

Psalm 127 is my portion indeed, for I have not waited on the Lord in vain.

 ¹Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

 ²It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

 ³Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

 ⁴As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

 ⁵Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

God will build me a house, he will give me a wonderful husband and together we will have the heritage and reward of a quiver full of children.  I am His in waiting and looking forward to marriage and my own home!

Pass on a Godly Heritage!!

Have you ever thought of the legacy you will leave the generations behind you?  What inheritance will you pass on to your kids?  I have always thought about this in regards to wealth but now I am seeing a spiritual inheritance as well.  Children look at you to see how you are carrying yourself and then go ahead and inherit various things by absorption.  Genetics is also something you can pass on including issues like depression, anxiety and more.  But is this the legacy you want to leave your progeny?  Whatever you do not overcome in your lifetime will be passed on to the generations behind you and they will have to fight it and overcome it if it is to be stopped.

Knowing that encourages me to change and become a better person if only for the sake of the next generation.  I must come up higher, make better choices, flee temptation and cling to God. Decide to set a new standard for your progeny because every right choice you make will overturn a wrong pattern in your family tree and will ensure that your family lineage is better off.  

Look at your family bloodline and identify some negative traits or trends that you would like to stop.  For my family its alcoholism and in some instances hedonism.  Its promiscuity which makes children out of wedlock common within the family.  In some instances its hot tempers and language that can be abusive.  Gossip can also be a challenge.  So what do I have to do? I am determined that as far as my progeny is concerned I will overcome those things and when I pass on the baton it will contain sexual purity, slowness to anger, filled with the Holy Ghost vs drunk on alcohol, words and language that builds up and encourages, not language that tears down.  

It is a spiritual battle, but God tells me how to overcome in Ephesians 6:10-18 and I know that once we are set free, we shall be free indeed.  So think about the heritage you want to leave behind.  Think about that thing that you struggle with and determine to overcome so that your generations will not have to struggle with it as well.  Even if you are not married or have no children of your own, think about the many children who observe you all around.  Determine to set an example for them and to pass on a godly heritage.  You are blessed!!

Your Worth is Far Above Rubies!

I have been learning some wonderful things on how to find the value in yourself.  If you are like me, you have one area of your life that makes you feel lower than dirt.  It could be that you don't have as much money as you would like, your past could be a bit dodgy, your skin color may be darker than you would like, or you may be heavier than most people consider appropriate.  All these things can make you feel less valuable than you really are.  So what is the true measure of your value as a person?

According to the devotional I read through today with Joel Osteen, the true measure of my value can be found in God.  God found me so valuable that he sent his only begotten son to come and die so that he could have me. Hence Paul says "You were bought with a High Price" and that price is the blood and death of God's son Jesus.  That said, my value is defined by that act of self sacrifice and not by how much money I have, how beautiful I am, how brilliant and all the other things by which we define our worth.

I don't have to struggle to be accepted and found worthy by God.  I am already accepted in the beloved.  I am so valuable that before God ever said that first "Let there be" he had thought of me, planned my existence, how I would live my life, what I would look like, how much I would weigh etc... and he chose me!  Can you imagine that? (Ephesians 1:4, Psalm 139:16) Every single aspect of you was carefully thought out by God.  Why then do people feel the need to point out things about you and say "This is not good?"  I dare say that it is all good.  All of it.  Even your weaknesses and your mistakes may have been meant by the enemy for evil but God means them for good.  How comforting!!!

It takes the burden from us and puts it on God.  So I don't have to make all A's in school to be worth something.  I don't have to look like a model to be acceptable and lovable.  I don't have to have a certain net worth to actually have value.  I just have to be me.  The person God created me to be.  The person I naturally gravitate to when I am in the Lord.  That's all there is to it. 

Just as salvation is not by works, our acceptance in the beloved is also not by works.  We receive it in faith.  Our value is not by works.  It is received by faith.  I am valuable.  My worth is far above rubies not because of what I look like or what I can do, but because God says so!  He thought so highly of me that he sent his son Jesus to be nailed on the cross so that I can be his.  And if God could literally die to have me, then if man cannot see my worth I think its his loss!  

Don't let anyone or anything else define your worth.  Only your creator, who knows what he has put in you, can do that.  He says you are beautiful, talented, creative, to die for, your worth is far above rubies, you are too valuable!!  Priceless!!   You are a gem!!