Postponed

My Doc postponed my surgery to October 11th. I am very disappointed. You kinda have to syke yourself up for this stuff and I had just got to the point where I was like "Bring it on!" and now I have to wait for a bit longer. That just deflates me.
I'm thinking I might take a trip to mombasa to pass the time. Just me, all by myself. And I can enjoy the beach, the warmth and the silence. Maybe I will go next friday and come back on Wednesday ready for surgery on Thursday. Not sure yet.
Yup! I may just go down to the coast!

Where did the years go?

Psalm 31:15: "My times are in your hands" Well, it's a good thing my times are in his hands or I would be in a full blown panic at this point. I am 31 today. Where did the years go? How can I be that old? I don't feel that old!!! But, I choose to look at the silver lining and say Thank you Lord. For another day, another year, another opportunity to be all you created me to be. I am blessed beyond words with a great family, wonderful friends and been placed in the best industry at such a time as this.

In a way I feel like an unfurling flower. Like I discover myself more every year. I am more settled now. More in tune with my wants and needs. That's a wonderful feeling. There are still things I wish I had like a family of my own, but I won't let those things take away from the gratitude I feel at just being who I am today...now. I know that I am blessed and that the best is yet to come.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

10 days to go and counting...

Well, it's just 10 days to surgery. I can't wait, but I am also nervous about it. There is a lot to be done at work and I want to make sure all is on point here before I leave. At the same time God is really talking to me about being anointed for business. I know that I am an entrepreneur so it's good to hear that God is backing up his children in the business world and blessing us to succeed. I want to look more into that during my two months at home.

Can't seem to catch my breath!

I am busy. I am recruiting for the company and this is an all day affair, but it is fun! I am acting up and doing all kinds of crazy, shocking things for my poor new recruits and they are eating it up. I am also getting ready for surgery and because I am so busy I have not had time to worry about it which is good.

Have to go do some more interviews, so... later!!

Filled to overflowing!

I have a confession to make that I think affects a lot of us Africans. We grew up without much affectionate love from our parents. No hugs, No kisses, no endearments of any kind, nothing. They would beat you up when you did wrong and say they did it because they loved you and if they didn't love you they would not care. There is a lot of truth to that! In the process, we the kids never learnt to hug or kiss each other, or show any affectionate love towards one another. And Lord knows, if your parents even smiled at each other, we almost fell over from shock!

Well, because of that I grew up not knowing what I was missing out on until I went to the US for school and found families that were affectionate toward one another. I remember looking at my friends mom as though she had lost it because she thanked her daughter for helping with the dishes. Almost dying of embarrasment when my friends dad gave me a fatherly hug like he did his daughter, and not knowing how to respond when her brothers playfully punched me.

Because of the earlier lack of affectionate love, I came to regard God's love for me in the same light as my parents love for me. Shown through punishment and discipline. Affection was not something God could do for me. As I grow older, I find that my need for affection has become hard to avoid or ignore. However, since I grew up without it, I have no idea how to ask for it or show it really and often come off as being self sufficient and hard on the outside, which is nothing like what is on the inside. I still have no clue how to respond to affection from the opposite sex which may be one of the reasons I am still single.

Anyway, today I read Ephesians 3 and verses 14 - 19 had me in tears:

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

I want to know his love. His affectionate love. It is the prayer of my heart today that I may grasp his love with my heart and never let go. That this love will flood my soul to the point where I am totally filled with all the fullness of God who is love. And I pray that you too will know this love that surpasses all understanding. That God will fill your heart this day and evermore with himself. Amen!