Fearfully and Wonderfully

My greatest challenge in life has been my weight. I have never had any self esteem issues really, but body image was another matter all together. I know that I am brilliant and can do anything I set my mind to, but I just can't seem to get the weight thing right. I hate that.

It's very interesting how the mind puts things into compartments. You would think that because I have poor body image I would have low self esteem. I sure don't. I have no problem being part of a beauty pageant or anything of that sort. I have no problem taking centre stage and being the life of the party or making a speech. None at all.

I have gained 12 pounds in the last few months. One of the things I realized when I was working out a lot is that I lost focus. Everything became about exercising. I lost balance completely and became very frustrated when the weight would not come out as fast as I wanted. Clearly I had missed the mark once again. Instead of reading my Bible I would be working out. Every extra minute was spent trying to squeeze in a work out. How terrible is that? and how sad!

So I stopped it all and decided to figure out why I am so out of balance with my body. With food and exercise. I have learned a lot about myself since I started that journey and Lord knows I am still working on it. I have decided to start working on my body once again. This time being gentle with myself and extending grace to myself. Above all I have learned to be thankful for my body. That my fingers can type this blog, and my eyes can see what I am doing. That my legs can carry my weight and have never once complained. God has given me a beautiful body that I MUST be grateful for. And I am!

It's amazing to think that God made me very carefully. Making sure that I was perfect. I have been plagued by the thought that he made me perfect and I messed it all up by overeating. Lately, he has been telling me to relax. He loves me just as I am. Just because I am overweight does not mean he is ashamed of me or embarrassed at my calling myself a Christian. He accepts me exactly as I am. Extra padding and all. Not only that, but he has caused others to see in me what he sees, so that my being big is not a hindrance to my having wonderful relationships. That is grace!

I will be gracious to myself. Kind and loving to my body and will appreciate every single thing about it.