Reckless Abandonment

A thought occurred to me yesterday. I have never really thought of family planning in any particular way. I just thought I would do it however I wanted to do it. God tweaked my conscience on it yesterday and I realised that I have never asked him how many children he had planned for me to have. I Know what I want, and I'm sure my husband knows how many he wants, but how many does God want us to have?

Lately God has been speaking to me about marriage as his plan to get Godly offspring for himself.

Malachi 2:15 "And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]..."

So clearly the children are for him not for me. I just have the privilege of raising them and enjoying them as they grow. So it seems only to make sense to me to go to him and say "How many do you want me to have for you?"

That is a scary thought especially when I read the quiver full websites and read about the Duggars with their 17 children. My main concern is not having them, it's raising them! I want to raise them myself. I really want to be a stay at home mom. Yesterday I was concerned about their provision. What would they eat and wear. Would we afford to give them a first class education? And then my best friend sent me Matt 6:31-34

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own".

It was comforting to know that God already has it all down. There is a Kikuyu wise saying that goes "Every child is born with his own things" meaning when a child is born, the provision has already been prepared for him or her. I know God holds my tomorrow. I'm still trusting him to show me the way and to tell me how many he wants me to have.

God has been speaking to me to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. To truly analyze my thinking patterns and to discern whether they are from the word or from the world. I choose daily to exchange my old mindset for the mind of Christ. Going against the grain is not the easiest way to go, but God is my help. Sometimes it takes blind trust and faith in him. He knows the way, and his thoughts towards me are always for my good. It's reckless abandonment.