The Virgin Monologues Part III

Often I get this question: "What if you get married after waiting all this time only to find that your husband is a lousy lay?"  Huh?  How will I know the difference? I have no one to compare him to.  The only reason you are able to tell if someone is a lousy lay is because you have someone to compare them to.  Don't you see the wisdom of God in asking us to wait?  My husband will never have to worry about being compared with any other man because he will be the only man.  He never has to wonder if he is doing it better than the last guy.  

Then there are those who insist that experience is necessary in order to have great sex in marriage.  I beg to differ!  This thing is not copy and paste!  Just because Mary liked it a certain way does not mean I will.  Come on People!!  Let this be an adventure into uncharted waters.  When the time comes, my hubby and I will be learning each other.  He will be discovering what I like and I will be discovering what he likes.  Its an adventure.  A discovery of new sensations and feel good nerves.  An explosion of pleasure.  I want to savor that in marriage with my husband.

I have always said that on my part, it is not necessary for my husband to be a virgin.  If he is, which would be the ideal situation, then that would be awesome!  However, I know that God forgives sin and if the man he brings my way has repented and is forgiven, who I'm I to hold it against him?  When I say that, I usually get this comment from Christians "You will have shortchanged yourself!"  In their minds, if I have waited then I had better get someone who is waiting too.  I don't think so.  I think where God is concerned, mercy triumphs over judgment.  I think that God in his wisdom pairs us up with the people we need in this life to fulfill his purposes.  At least if your life is submitted to him.  In that case, if he wishes to extend grace to a wonderful man, a sinner saved by grace, by giving him a virgin wife regardless of his past, so be it!  I'm game!

The one thing you have to understand about me is that I am doing what God tells me to do.  I am his.  My life is submitted to him.  I want what he wants and nothing more.  He is an awesome God!!!

The Virgin Monologues: Part II

Many people look at me and wonder what I gain by waiting to have sex when I get married verses gratifying the desires of my flesh.  I can only say that the benefits of the wait are multiple and significant to me.  

• First, I know that it pleases God for me to stay sexually pure.  My number one priority in life is to please God in all I do. This is the greatest benefit for me.
• I do not have to go into a panic every time my period is late.  There is nothing worse than the panic that sets in at the thought of being pregnant outside of marriage for most women.  Why go through all that drama?
• I do not have to worry about birth control and the hustle that comes with that.  For some it's the pill they can never remember to take daily, for others it's the shot that made them balloon to twice their original size, for others it's convincing the guy to just put on the darn condom... what?  Too much drama!
• I do not have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.  What bliss!!
• Then there is the emotional trauma of sleeping with a guy who you are in love with only to find out that his goal the whole time he was being so romantic and wonderful was to "hit it!"  How now?
• After going through the "love and dump" cycle several times, the bitterness sets in.  Women get so jaded that they come to the conclusion that all men are lying, cheating dogs and there are no good men out there.  Do I really want to become that woman? NO!
• Before long she starts sleeping with men just to scratch the itch.  Sex is brought down from God's ultimate expression of love and affection between a man and his wife to... nothing.  This was not God's plan.  He wanted sex to be enjoyed within marriage and held in honor.

These are just but a few of my reasons to wait and honestly, when I look at the world we are living in today I get more reasons everyday.

The Virgin Monologues: Part I

Some time back a friend put up a very shocked facebook status about discovering that a certain friend of his was a virgin at something like 23 or 25 years of age.  Well, I responded by telling him that virgins exist and that I was one of them.  I expected shocked responses and some dissing but not outright hatefulness.  One of his friends, a lady, came out fists swinging.  Her comment was that all virgins are lonely, lousy, f***heads who basically can't get themselves laid.  What?!! 

One of the things I have to say about that is that anyone on this planet can get laid!  Anyone!  Don't you watch the news? You will see a woman who is stark, raving mad and she will be pregnant or have a baby on her back. How do you think it got in her belly?  Sometimes it will be a mentally retarded girl and she will be just as pregnant as can be.  She will have drool down her chin, she will be filthy, and pregnant.  Some guy did that to her.  How much more a perfectly healthy, beautiful woman?  If you think virgin's just don't have someone to sleep with, you may need to think again.

As for loneliness, I have seen many women who are sleeping with men, sometimes multiple men, getting more sex than is necessary in one lifetime and they are still lonely.  Married women will tell you that they may be sleeping with their husbands and yet are lonely.  Why?  Because one needs to connect on a deeply spiritual level with another person in order for that lonely feeling to disappear.  Sex does not mean that you are connecting on a deeper level with a man or woman for that matter.

In truth, I am a very well adjusted single adult.  In fact, unless I tell you that I have not slept with a man, you will not be able to tell.  I am a choleric personality which means that I am a natural leader and achiever.  I thrive on challenges and achievement.  I am a go getter, very confident and great public speaker.  Most people on the outside looking in can probably not imagine that I know nothing about what goes on between a man and a woman.  At least not by experience.  I say this to say that being a virgin does not necessarily mean that one is dysfunctional or ignorant.  If anything it saves you the drama of heartache and pain that is caused by multiple couplings and break ups.

I think the lady that was so insulting of virgins was really bitter about her own state.  Maybe she had regrets about not staying sexually pure.  Her bitterness and anger showed at a very unlikely time to a person she did not even know.  My only hope is that she can discover the God who restores things and makes them new again. Including virginity. By so doing she may discover the joy of secondary virginity.  If you are in her shoes, you can too.  It's a great place for self discovery.  Try it!  You just might like it.

Yes! I am almost 35, A Virgin and I Refuse to Compromise!!

I think the question that cracks me up and irritates me the most, at the same time, is the question about my marital status.  Everybody looks at me and wants to know why I am not married and now that I am officially in my mid thirties the question has become "When will you have kids?" I used to worry about those things and then I read in God's word that I should be anxious for nothing, but in all things I must let God know what I need and then let his peace guard my heart and mind (Philippians 4:6-7)

The statement that follows that question is usually "If you don't want a man (they assume men are a bother to me)  you should just find one to impregnate you so you can at least have a child or two to raise on your own."  I find that very interesting especially because it often comes from women who are born again.  In their minds, I am allowed to put aside my salvation, marry an unbeliever and trust God to save him, or get pregnant if I find men a bother and don't want to live with one.  Can you say messed up mentality???!!!

Many times I have been looked at as a fool for waiting on God well past the "acceptable waiting time."  I will be 35 years old in 3 months, I am still a virgin and I still refuse to compromise my faith.  How can I leave God, even for a moment, to go fend for myself on something as important as a life partner?  I trust God to know what I need, when I need it.  I trust him not to withhold any good thing from me in accordance with his word (Psalm 34:10, 84:11, 103:5).  I trust him to build me a house just like he told David he would do for him in 2 Samuel 7:11b "...Furthermore, the Lord declares that He will make a house for you..."  This same God shall make a house for me.  He will settle me in my own home as a happy mother of children.  I will indeed have a quiver full of them.

Psalm 127 is my portion indeed, for I have not waited on the Lord in vain.

 ¹Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

 ²It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

 ³Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

 ⁴As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

 ⁵Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

God will build me a house, he will give me a wonderful husband and together we will have the heritage and reward of a quiver full of children.  I am His in waiting and looking forward to marriage and my own home!