Trusting God

Lately I have been very tumultuous inside. I think most of it stems from the fact that my surgery is only about 3 weeks away. I hate to admit it, but much as I am looking forward to it, I am afraid. Not of the surgery, but of what could happen. If I bleed to much, or they can not reconstruct my uterus they may have to take it out. How I'm I supposed to take that seeing as I have never had children and would like to in the future? I am also afraid because I have some in my cervix as well and they say that is a very difficult place to operate. What does that mean for me? I'm worried about scarring my cervix. How will that affect my sex life in the future? Will I be able to feel much down there? UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm I just worrying too much about nothing? At times like this it is really hard to just trust God and say let your will be done. I have been angry with him as well. Here I have been trying to do his will and wait for him to bring the man of my dreams so we can get married and start a family and I there is the very real possibility that I may not be able to do that. I have abstained from sex for the same reason and if my cervix gets messed up, I may never really get to enjoy sex. How do you get past these feelings of anger and fear?

Psalm 56:3 says "When I am afraid, I will trust in you" Now that right there is faith. Right now I am just angry at everything it seems. But I need to chill out and trust God to go with me through this. To not be afraid. To be still and know that he is God. I don't know how it will look on the other side of fibroid freedom, but Lord knows this side is a mess. I might as well walk with Jesus on the water and look to him alone.

I have read many stories of miracles. Of people without a womb, miraculously getting one and having children. But right now, I just want to be normal. I never want to have to pray that kind of prayer or get that kind of a miracle. I just want to be normal.

I am praying for trust. That I may trust that he knows the way. That he created me in my mother's womb, knitting me together, knowing that this day would come. Above all, he made provision for me whatever the outcome may be. Fill my heart with gratitude and praise regardless of the outcome Lord. Forgive my unbelief and distrust. Hold my hand and lead me in the way everlasting. May I find my peace in you. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!