Prodigal Living, Self-Indulgence and Self-Gratification

This verse broke my heart when I read it this morning:  James 5:5

"Here on earth you have abandoned yourselves to soft (prodigal) living and to the pleasures of self-indulgence and self-gratification.  You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter"

You may not be drinking, smoking, prostituting or doing any of those things that we as Christians consider "carnal" but there are other things we do.  As Christians, we are to be ever conscious of the God we serve.  To be wholly submitted to him and to walk only in his ways for us.  How many times has God told you to do a certain thing, but instead you chose to take a different route.  In your mind you are not sinning.  You are just making the decision that YOU think is best, but if it is not God's decision for you it is sin.

He says that we have taken the way of self-indulgence and self-gratification.  It is what I want.  What feels good to me.  We forget that God has our lives all mapped out according Psalm 139.  The days of our lives were planned out by him before any one of them ever came to be.  We have been sent here on earth with a mission to accomplish, but we have turned away from that mission and purpose and have created missions and purposes for ourselves outside of God's will.  Sadly, we still profess to know him and to walk in his ways.  We have deceived ourselves!!

One thing have I desired of the Lord and that will I seek after, that I may know Him as I am known by Him.  That I may find out and do the works which God predestined or planned beforehand for me to do.  Taking paths which He prepared ahead of time that I should walk in them (Eph 2:10).

It's a Love Triangle

A love triangle is often looked on as a bad thing but God has his own love triangle that he made for each one of us to enjoy.  If you are missing out on one aspect of this love triangle you will always feel unsatisfied, with an emptiness that does not go away.  However, God has made this triangle open for all.  We just have to walk up and have our fill.  

What I'm I talking about?  There are 3 kinds of love.  Agape - God's kind of love that is unconditional,  Philia - which is brotherly affection that we get from our friends, family and community and Eros - Romantic love.  All 3 meet a different need in one's life.  So if you have have friends who offer philia love and a husband who offers Ero's love, you will still have a deep desire for more love, in this case Agape.  My own need is for Ero's.  I have Agape, I have lots of philia but I am short on Ero's.  Because of that, I have a need for love that I cannot get from God or my friends.  Some people may look at me and say that God's love covers all my need for love but that is not true.  God cannot love me romantically.  He cannot not hug on me, kiss on me or be intimate with me sexually like a mate would.  The thing to realize is that God purposefully made us that way.  

I was talking to God about this emptiness I have that I couldn't at the time put a finger to and he led me to analyze some issues from my past.  I realized that where Ero's love is concerned I had become like Lazarus the poor man who longed for the crumbs that fell from the rich man's table.  The crumbs were all he ever got. He never sat at the table and ate his own portion.  God has laid out buffet tables of love.  Here I was, looking longingly at the Ero's table and only wishing for crumbs, because for some misguided reason I did not think I was good enough to sit at the table and have my fill of Ero's within God's plan and purpose for me.  What a shame!!!

There is a buffet table fully loaded with Agape love for you to enjoy.  Another table has all kinds of philia love just for you to have your fill.  The Ero's table is also heavy laden with all kinds of goodies.  Why sit here until you die?!!  Walk up to the table you have not enjoyed, sit down and claim your portion.  It's there for the taking!!

I am reminded of the story of the man who prepared a feast and sent his servants to go out and invite the guests for whom the feast was prepared.  The guests all had an excuse for why they could not come to the feast.  When the report came back to the man that none of his invited guests were coming to the party, for each had an excuse, he determined that his food would not go to waste.  So he sent out his servants to the highways and the bi-ways to bring in others who were not previously invited to come and enjoy the feast.

None shall take my place at any of the love banqueting tables.  I will take my portion and enjoy it with relish!  So, square your shoulders, take a deep breath and march purposefully to the love table you have been missing out on.  Take your place at the table, it was prepared for you before time begun.  Eat and drink without cost, for Jesus paid the price at Calvary and don't let the devil or anyone else for that matter, hold you back.  

That Devil Lied!!!

We are told that the devil is a liar and the father of all lies.  So much so, that when he lies he only speaks his native tongue.  No truth can be found in him at any one time.  Hence the reason why we should never allow him to speak to us.  

So I'm chilling by myself yesterday pondering my fast approaching birthday (I will turn 35) and considering all the things that I wanted to have achieved by now.  I have achieved much and I am on track with everything else except the marriage and kids thing.  Suddenly, from nowhere, I get hit by a feeling of despondency and despair and the devil begins to speak.  It took me a second to realize it was him speaking so I gave him ear for a minute.  

I start thinking that marriage will never happen.  Here I am waiting for God to hook things up in his time and the question pops into my mind, "what time?"  If I am turning 35 and he has not done it, which other time is there? Then another thought pops into my head "How about adopting kids and moving on with your life?" I'm like "Yeah!! I could do that!" then God, the voice of reason and peace breaks through all the demonic noise and says "Listen to your inner self.  Is that what you really want to do?"

So I close out all the noise and get quiet and just listen to my inner self.  The answer comes to me clear as crystal.  I don't want kids without a husband.  I want the security of marriage in which to raise my godly offspring according to Malachi 3.  What a relief to have all the crazy thoughts expelled and to know exactly what I want.  

Someone may ask, "Isn't it time to give up the notion and start working on plan B?" I have!  Plan B, C, D...Z are all the same and they are spelled out very clearly in Psalm 46:10 in God's own words: "Be still and know that I am God..."  I will be still and I will let God be God in my life.  Hallelujah! What peace!! What joy!! I don't have to worry about a thing.  My God is working it all out for me!!

...Limbo...

I think I'm going through a phase.  I'm not sure what phase, but a phase.  I am restless about life and feel like I need to make a change... but what change should I make? I have no motivation to do anything. Work feels like a bother and my personal ambition has taken a nose dive.  That shocks even me. I wake up in the morning feeling great only to feel like going back to bed after 2 hours.  What is this?  I am not at all depressed or anything like that.  I'm just in limbo...I HATE LIMBO!!

I am praying that God will show me what needs to change and that I will have the courage to change it.  One thing's for sure, I am still excited about life and I know that the best is yet to come...just as soon as I get out of limbo.

Tongue's of Fire!

What is it about the Holy Spirit and the Tongue?  Why is it that he takes over your speech when he comes in making tongues the immediate, visible indication of his infilling? Well, Proverbs 18:21 and James 3:1-12 explain things to us.

First of all, the power of life and death is in the tongue.  You eat the fruit of your tongue in this life.  Secondly, James goes into a whole discourse on the tongue.  He says that the tongue is on fire. Before we are redeemed, our tongue is lit on fire by hell.  You have to understand this, the tongue is always on fire.  The question is, which fire lights up your tongue?  

The description of the unredeemed tongue given by James in vs 6-8 is as follows:

a) It is a world of wickedness

b) It contaminates and depraves the whole body

c) It is lit up by hell and then goes on to set your whole body on fire with the same hellish flame

d) It is a restless, undisciplined and irreconcilable evil.

e) It is full of deadly poison

That said, I couldn't help but notice that James compares the tongue to the radar of a ship.  The radar sets the direction of the ship even against strong winds.  In the same way, your tongue sets the direction of your life, regardless of what you face in life.  That tells me that whatever force controls your tongue, controls and leads your life in the direction that it needs you to go. Another comparison made by James is that of a bit in a horses mouth.  Using the bit, one is able to make the horse go wherever they want.  The bit, controls the direction of the horse.  In the same way, your tongue controls the direction of your life, whether this way or that.  And the force controlling your tongue, is the force that is directing your life.

That said, the horror of having a tongue lit by the fires of hell is quite vivid.  It means that hell or the devil, controls the direction your life takes.  In this case, you are making your way to death at a steady and quick pace.  It is therefore no wonder that when the Holy Spirit came on the day of Pentecost he manifested himself as tongues of fire and then went on to take control of the tongue by causing the 120 saints in the upper room to speak in tongues.  In my own personal opinion, the fire of God touched them, setting their tongues aflame with the fire of heaven.  They now had a new controlling force.  The Holy Spirit of God, who could turn the bit or radar in the direction of heaven.  Their lives were turned around so that now instead of walking towards death, they could walk towards life.

The call of Isaiah in Chapter 6 is very interesting to me.  The moment he sees the vision of the Lord he realizes what a mess he is.  He is immediately concerned with his filth but specifically he draws attention to his speech.  He says "...I have filthy lips, and I live among people with filthy lips..."  He realizes that his tongue is off.  Funny enough, the cure for his corrupt speech is a coal of fire from the altar of the Lord.  Once his mouth is touched with that Holy fire he is not just cleansed from his filth, but his tongue, his control point, is lit with a new fire.  God's own holy fire!  Next he is commissioned with the following words "...go and say to this people..."  Once the fire of God has touched his lips he can now speak life giving words.  (The correction of God, even when it seems harsh, is always life giving).

The reason the Holy Spirit takes over the tongue first, is to put out the strange fire from the enemies camp and light it with fire from God's Holy altar.  With your tongue now lit with Holy fire, your life can fully be under the control of the Holy Ghost who can then lead you in the ways of the Lord and in the path of righteousness.  What then can we say?  Sweet Holy Spirit, I give you my tongue, my control point.  Kill the strange fire of the enemy, and light my tongue with Holy fire from the altar of the Lord.  Take my life and turn it this way and that so that I am walking the path of righteousness at all times.  Thank you for redemption and for taking me over in Jesus Holy and Mighty name I pray, Amen!!

Holy Spirit: Fill Me Once More!

As part of my back to the basics search of truth I was led to the Holy Spirit all over again.  When I was first born again and Spirit filled the Holy Spirit was so real to me.  He was my constant companion.  He spoke to me and made me laugh out loud all by myself.  He told me what to do and how to go about my life.  He was closer and more real to me than a flesh and blood person.  Somehow, I lost sight of him along the way and even though I knew he existed, he ceased to be as real as all that.  I have never regained that initial relationship.  Somehow, I know that is how things ought to be.  

This morning I was brooding over the changes I need to make in my life and was looking keenly at areas in my life that could improve.  Of the four major areas I listed, the last one was  my relationship with the Holy Spirit.  The moment I wrote that down, a light bulb went on inside me.  I realized that if I could get that part sorted first, then the rest of it would fall into place.  I immediately went on a study of the Holy Ghost to find out what God was trying to tell me.  Here is what I found out:

a) First, The Holy Spirit is our Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener and Standby.  We need him in order to accurately navigate the path of righteousness that God has set out for us as much as we need oxygen to live.  Without him, we cannot make it.

b) When we are baptized in the Holy Ghost not only does he come into us, but he completely diffuses into our our whole being (Acts 2:4), spirit, soul (Rom 9:1) and body (1 Cor 6:19).  So much so that we cease to be our own and we become fully his.  Additionally, we are baptized into him, as in we are placed inside him and introduced into the person of the Holy Spirit.  We become one with the Holy Spirit of God and therefore one with God.  This is a profound mystery.

c) Once we are baptized in him and he is in us, he then takes us over.  We are now full of the Holy Ghost, are led by him, take our instruction from him, directed and controlled by him.  Our assignment comes from him.  He is the one who calls us apart for the work that he has for us to accomplish here on earth (Acts 13:2-4). He also directs our speech.

I realized specifically that there seemed to be a direct link between the in-filling of the Holy Ghost and speech. First in the sign of speaking in tongues, which is a direct and immediate manifestation of the in-filling, and then in regular speech.  In the book of Acts I found several statements that read as follows:

"...Peter, because he was filled and controlled by the Holy Spirit said..." Acts 4:8

The same was said of Paul who discerned by the Holy Spirit the intents of Elymas' heart and being filled and controlled by the Holy Spirit he spoke...  

I began to meditate on that link between the Holy Spirit and the tongue.  Why is it, that the first thing the Spirit of God seems to take over is the tongue?  The study continues...

He Will Keep You From Falling In a Trap

I have always been a cautious person.  Especially in matters of the heart.  It takes me a long time to allow myself to fully love someone.  That has been my defense in many ways because I have not really ever been hurt by a guy.  By the time we break up, I still haven't let myself love you like that.  I have also never been the person who goes out and gets stinking drunk.  Even when I use to put away the liqueur I would get just tipsy enough to be happy go lucky without being stupid.

Lately God has been encouraging me to be more daring or to let myself go a little and just love on people.  This, especially if it is related to guys, makes me think "No Way."  However, he said something that made me feel a lot better. God will never let one of his own be caught in the net of the wicked or fall into a pit that they have dug.  Ours is to keep an eye on Jesus and follow the commands that he gives us.  There is no need to be afraid of living life for fear of making mistakes.  God will watch over you and make sure that you are safe.

Ps 121 is one of my favorite psalms.  It says that God watches over me and he neither slumbers nor sleeps.  He is a guard for my soul.  Ps 139 says that he goes before me and comes behind me.  He goes out before me to find a place for me to rest and still keeps a rear guard on me.  He literally has my back.  Do you know that in the time that Israel wandered in the desert the angel of the Lord would go before them to identify a place for them to pitch camp?  He can do the same thing for you and if you are like me, you can trust him to guide your desires, choices and more.

The Virgin Monologues Part III

Often I get this question: "What if you get married after waiting all this time only to find that your husband is a lousy lay?"  Huh?  How will I know the difference? I have no one to compare him to.  The only reason you are able to tell if someone is a lousy lay is because you have someone to compare them to.  Don't you see the wisdom of God in asking us to wait?  My husband will never have to worry about being compared with any other man because he will be the only man.  He never has to wonder if he is doing it better than the last guy.  

Then there are those who insist that experience is necessary in order to have great sex in marriage.  I beg to differ!  This thing is not copy and paste!  Just because Mary liked it a certain way does not mean I will.  Come on People!!  Let this be an adventure into uncharted waters.  When the time comes, my hubby and I will be learning each other.  He will be discovering what I like and I will be discovering what he likes.  Its an adventure.  A discovery of new sensations and feel good nerves.  An explosion of pleasure.  I want to savor that in marriage with my husband.

I have always said that on my part, it is not necessary for my husband to be a virgin.  If he is, which would be the ideal situation, then that would be awesome!  However, I know that God forgives sin and if the man he brings my way has repented and is forgiven, who I'm I to hold it against him?  When I say that, I usually get this comment from Christians "You will have shortchanged yourself!"  In their minds, if I have waited then I had better get someone who is waiting too.  I don't think so.  I think where God is concerned, mercy triumphs over judgment.  I think that God in his wisdom pairs us up with the people we need in this life to fulfill his purposes.  At least if your life is submitted to him.  In that case, if he wishes to extend grace to a wonderful man, a sinner saved by grace, by giving him a virgin wife regardless of his past, so be it!  I'm game!

The one thing you have to understand about me is that I am doing what God tells me to do.  I am his.  My life is submitted to him.  I want what he wants and nothing more.  He is an awesome God!!!

The Virgin Monologues: Part II

Many people look at me and wonder what I gain by waiting to have sex when I get married verses gratifying the desires of my flesh.  I can only say that the benefits of the wait are multiple and significant to me.  

• First, I know that it pleases God for me to stay sexually pure.  My number one priority in life is to please God in all I do. This is the greatest benefit for me.
• I do not have to go into a panic every time my period is late.  There is nothing worse than the panic that sets in at the thought of being pregnant outside of marriage for most women.  Why go through all that drama?
• I do not have to worry about birth control and the hustle that comes with that.  For some it's the pill they can never remember to take daily, for others it's the shot that made them balloon to twice their original size, for others it's convincing the guy to just put on the darn condom... what?  Too much drama!
• I do not have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.  What bliss!!
• Then there is the emotional trauma of sleeping with a guy who you are in love with only to find out that his goal the whole time he was being so romantic and wonderful was to "hit it!"  How now?
• After going through the "love and dump" cycle several times, the bitterness sets in.  Women get so jaded that they come to the conclusion that all men are lying, cheating dogs and there are no good men out there.  Do I really want to become that woman? NO!
• Before long she starts sleeping with men just to scratch the itch.  Sex is brought down from God's ultimate expression of love and affection between a man and his wife to... nothing.  This was not God's plan.  He wanted sex to be enjoyed within marriage and held in honor.

These are just but a few of my reasons to wait and honestly, when I look at the world we are living in today I get more reasons everyday.

The Virgin Monologues: Part I

Some time back a friend put up a very shocked facebook status about discovering that a certain friend of his was a virgin at something like 23 or 25 years of age.  Well, I responded by telling him that virgins exist and that I was one of them.  I expected shocked responses and some dissing but not outright hatefulness.  One of his friends, a lady, came out fists swinging.  Her comment was that all virgins are lonely, lousy, f***heads who basically can't get themselves laid.  What?!! 

One of the things I have to say about that is that anyone on this planet can get laid!  Anyone!  Don't you watch the news? You will see a woman who is stark, raving mad and she will be pregnant or have a baby on her back. How do you think it got in her belly?  Sometimes it will be a mentally retarded girl and she will be just as pregnant as can be.  She will have drool down her chin, she will be filthy, and pregnant.  Some guy did that to her.  How much more a perfectly healthy, beautiful woman?  If you think virgin's just don't have someone to sleep with, you may need to think again.

As for loneliness, I have seen many women who are sleeping with men, sometimes multiple men, getting more sex than is necessary in one lifetime and they are still lonely.  Married women will tell you that they may be sleeping with their husbands and yet are lonely.  Why?  Because one needs to connect on a deeply spiritual level with another person in order for that lonely feeling to disappear.  Sex does not mean that you are connecting on a deeper level with a man or woman for that matter.

In truth, I am a very well adjusted single adult.  In fact, unless I tell you that I have not slept with a man, you will not be able to tell.  I am a choleric personality which means that I am a natural leader and achiever.  I thrive on challenges and achievement.  I am a go getter, very confident and great public speaker.  Most people on the outside looking in can probably not imagine that I know nothing about what goes on between a man and a woman.  At least not by experience.  I say this to say that being a virgin does not necessarily mean that one is dysfunctional or ignorant.  If anything it saves you the drama of heartache and pain that is caused by multiple couplings and break ups.

I think the lady that was so insulting of virgins was really bitter about her own state.  Maybe she had regrets about not staying sexually pure.  Her bitterness and anger showed at a very unlikely time to a person she did not even know.  My only hope is that she can discover the God who restores things and makes them new again. Including virginity. By so doing she may discover the joy of secondary virginity.  If you are in her shoes, you can too.  It's a great place for self discovery.  Try it!  You just might like it.

Yes! I am almost 35, A Virgin and I Refuse to Compromise!!

I think the question that cracks me up and irritates me the most, at the same time, is the question about my marital status.  Everybody looks at me and wants to know why I am not married and now that I am officially in my mid thirties the question has become "When will you have kids?" I used to worry about those things and then I read in God's word that I should be anxious for nothing, but in all things I must let God know what I need and then let his peace guard my heart and mind (Philippians 4:6-7)

The statement that follows that question is usually "If you don't want a man (they assume men are a bother to me)  you should just find one to impregnate you so you can at least have a child or two to raise on your own."  I find that very interesting especially because it often comes from women who are born again.  In their minds, I am allowed to put aside my salvation, marry an unbeliever and trust God to save him, or get pregnant if I find men a bother and don't want to live with one.  Can you say messed up mentality???!!!

Many times I have been looked at as a fool for waiting on God well past the "acceptable waiting time."  I will be 35 years old in 3 months, I am still a virgin and I still refuse to compromise my faith.  How can I leave God, even for a moment, to go fend for myself on something as important as a life partner?  I trust God to know what I need, when I need it.  I trust him not to withhold any good thing from me in accordance with his word (Psalm 34:10, 84:11, 103:5).  I trust him to build me a house just like he told David he would do for him in 2 Samuel 7:11b "...Furthermore, the Lord declares that He will make a house for you..."  This same God shall make a house for me.  He will settle me in my own home as a happy mother of children.  I will indeed have a quiver full of them.

Psalm 127 is my portion indeed, for I have not waited on the Lord in vain.

 ¹Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

 ²It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

 ³Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

 ⁴As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

 ⁵Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

God will build me a house, he will give me a wonderful husband and together we will have the heritage and reward of a quiver full of children.  I am His in waiting and looking forward to marriage and my own home!

Pass on a Godly Heritage!!

Have you ever thought of the legacy you will leave the generations behind you?  What inheritance will you pass on to your kids?  I have always thought about this in regards to wealth but now I am seeing a spiritual inheritance as well.  Children look at you to see how you are carrying yourself and then go ahead and inherit various things by absorption.  Genetics is also something you can pass on including issues like depression, anxiety and more.  But is this the legacy you want to leave your progeny?  Whatever you do not overcome in your lifetime will be passed on to the generations behind you and they will have to fight it and overcome it if it is to be stopped.

Knowing that encourages me to change and become a better person if only for the sake of the next generation.  I must come up higher, make better choices, flee temptation and cling to God. Decide to set a new standard for your progeny because every right choice you make will overturn a wrong pattern in your family tree and will ensure that your family lineage is better off.  

Look at your family bloodline and identify some negative traits or trends that you would like to stop.  For my family its alcoholism and in some instances hedonism.  Its promiscuity which makes children out of wedlock common within the family.  In some instances its hot tempers and language that can be abusive.  Gossip can also be a challenge.  So what do I have to do? I am determined that as far as my progeny is concerned I will overcome those things and when I pass on the baton it will contain sexual purity, slowness to anger, filled with the Holy Ghost vs drunk on alcohol, words and language that builds up and encourages, not language that tears down.  

It is a spiritual battle, but God tells me how to overcome in Ephesians 6:10-18 and I know that once we are set free, we shall be free indeed.  So think about the heritage you want to leave behind.  Think about that thing that you struggle with and determine to overcome so that your generations will not have to struggle with it as well.  Even if you are not married or have no children of your own, think about the many children who observe you all around.  Determine to set an example for them and to pass on a godly heritage.  You are blessed!!

Your Worth is Far Above Rubies!

I have been learning some wonderful things on how to find the value in yourself.  If you are like me, you have one area of your life that makes you feel lower than dirt.  It could be that you don't have as much money as you would like, your past could be a bit dodgy, your skin color may be darker than you would like, or you may be heavier than most people consider appropriate.  All these things can make you feel less valuable than you really are.  So what is the true measure of your value as a person?

According to the devotional I read through today with Joel Osteen, the true measure of my value can be found in God.  God found me so valuable that he sent his only begotten son to come and die so that he could have me. Hence Paul says "You were bought with a High Price" and that price is the blood and death of God's son Jesus.  That said, my value is defined by that act of self sacrifice and not by how much money I have, how beautiful I am, how brilliant and all the other things by which we define our worth.

I don't have to struggle to be accepted and found worthy by God.  I am already accepted in the beloved.  I am so valuable that before God ever said that first "Let there be" he had thought of me, planned my existence, how I would live my life, what I would look like, how much I would weigh etc... and he chose me!  Can you imagine that? (Ephesians 1:4, Psalm 139:16) Every single aspect of you was carefully thought out by God.  Why then do people feel the need to point out things about you and say "This is not good?"  I dare say that it is all good.  All of it.  Even your weaknesses and your mistakes may have been meant by the enemy for evil but God means them for good.  How comforting!!!

It takes the burden from us and puts it on God.  So I don't have to make all A's in school to be worth something.  I don't have to look like a model to be acceptable and lovable.  I don't have to have a certain net worth to actually have value.  I just have to be me.  The person God created me to be.  The person I naturally gravitate to when I am in the Lord.  That's all there is to it. 

Just as salvation is not by works, our acceptance in the beloved is also not by works.  We receive it in faith.  Our value is not by works.  It is received by faith.  I am valuable.  My worth is far above rubies not because of what I look like or what I can do, but because God says so!  He thought so highly of me that he sent his son Jesus to be nailed on the cross so that I can be his.  And if God could literally die to have me, then if man cannot see my worth I think its his loss!  

Don't let anyone or anything else define your worth.  Only your creator, who knows what he has put in you, can do that.  He says you are beautiful, talented, creative, to die for, your worth is far above rubies, you are too valuable!!  Priceless!!   You are a gem!!

Who Told You That You Were Naked?

"Who told you that you were naked?" (Genesis 3:11) This is the question God asks Adam and Eve when he finds them hiding in the bushes wearing their fig aprons.  Basically he was asking them, "Who told you that something is wrong with you?"  God knew that the enemy had come over and spoken to them for sure.

I have had the enemy talk to me before and the one thing he seems to be really good at saying is that I am not attractive.  Today God asked me the same question he asked Adam and Eve "Who told you that you are unattractive?"  When I thought about it I realized that all of it had come to me by suggestion in the soulish realm.  Why do I say that?  Because the enemy speaks to you on the soulish level and not spirit.  He makes a suggestion through a commercial and all of a sudden all the dark people feel that they need to become lighter to be beautiful.  You're watching Tyra and you realize that beauty is defined as a skinny girl and even the girls they call big are really normal sized chics.  

Those suggestions begin to run through your mind and before you know it you are reacting and acting based on the belief that you are not beautiful.  In truth, God made each one of us beautiful and then he loaded us with talents, giftings, callings, excellent temperaments and so much more.  When God looked at man he knew for a fact that he had made a show stopper, and just when creation thought he couldn't do a better job, he puts the guy to sleep and creates the most beautiful creation of all, WOMAN!

Now, that said, who told you that you were too skinny, or too fat, or not intelligent enough, or good for nothing?  Did God say that to you?  If not, why are you listening to a voice other than God's?  I have noticed something wonderful about people who do not have classic good looks (by man's standard) they usually have a redeeming aspect to them.  A man who would not otherwise catch your eye based on his looks turns out to be charming, well spoken, kind and fun to be with.  Within no time you don't even notice that he is too dark, or shorter than you are, or way too skinny.  The grace of God steps in and covers his "shortcomings" so that you fall in love with him as he is.

Shouldn't we as women then be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and see what God see's?  Granted you are a little bit on the heavy side, or maybe you are very dark and yet for some, maybe you don't think your facial features are stunning in a positive way.  How about we look in the mirror and see just how valuable we are, how talented, how gifted and successful we are at the callings God has given us?  How about we invite the Grace of God to come in and cover the parts of us that we feel may not be quite so becoming?  

Do you know why God did not think that Adam and Eve were naked? Or why they had never felt naked and ashamed before? It was because the glory of the Lord covered them.  Let that same glory cover and beautify you so that you feel and look attractive not just in the spiritual but in the physical realm too.  Often I have seen guys give me a look in a manner likely to suggest interest.  In truth, I have often reacted in such a way as to make sure they know that I couldn't be bothered. I have come to realize that that was me hiding because I did not feel beautiful or attractive enough.

Well, not anymore!!  This girl will soon be dating up a storm.  I am letting myself love and be loved.  I am letting my beauty shine through in every way.  Won't you join me? 

Feeling Inadequate!

Today was one of those days where I felt very inadequate as a woman. I'm talking to my BFF who is a Sanguine. She is good at showing emotion and expressing her love, good at making conversation, drawing people out of their shells etc... I on the other hand can make conversation but if you are in a shell, I'll let you stay there. I will rarely, if ever, try to coax someone to tell what they are thinking or feeling or whatever. I am not emotionally expressive and don't show love unless I feel very comfortable with you...and that could take a while.

Well, so we were talking about these guys that we feel drawn to as friends and thinking about how we can help them with some of the stuff they are doing. Here I am talking about it from the business end of things. You know? Like I can assist here and give some ideas there and she says that she will let them handle business and when they leave all that she will assist in allowing them to debrief to her. I'm like what? Here I'm talking about giving them business ideas and she's talking about being their personal psychologist!

Honestly, I have never felt less feminine than I did at that moment. I thought to myself, if this is what a woman is supposed to be like, I have so missed the plot. I almost felt like I was offering the wrong kind of help. Like I was going to be considered one of the guys and not a girl. Is this why guys are attracted to her? I really wondered about that.

Then I realized that God has made each woman suitable to be a helper to her own husband. My kind of help will be much needed when I do meet my husband. He will still be able to debrief with me and will also appreciate that I can help with business, organize the home and all the other things that choleric women are strong at. Needless to say, my self worth was out of the gutter!

Wisdom for the Hour!

If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask him,

and he will gladly tell you,

for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him;

he will not resent it.

But when you ask him,

be sure that you really expect him to tell you,

for a doubtful mind will be as unsettled as a wave of the sea

that is driven and tossed by the wind;

and every decision you make will be uncertain,

as you turn first this way, and then that.

If you don't ask with faith,

don't expect the Lord to give you any solid answer.

James 1:5-8 (Living Bible)

Lord, load me up with wisdom for this hour. I need to know if this is it. If not, I will gladly walk away. Make it clear for me so that I can do only your will. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me. I love you!

God Knows My Heart!

Oh Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.

You know when I sit or stand.

When far away you know my every thought.

You chart the path ahead of me, and tell me where to stop and rest.

Every moment you know where I am.

You know what I am going to say before I even say it.

You both precede and follow me, and place your hand of blessing on my head.

... I can never be lost to your Spirit! I can never get away from my God!

...You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe.

Every day was recorded in your book!

How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly!

I can't even count how many times a day your thoughts turn towards me.

And when I waken in the morning, you are still thinking of me!

... Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts.

Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad,

and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 139 (The Living Bible)

So often I forget that you are thinking of me. That my days are all planned out by you Lord. I am not forgotten. You think about me constantly... how you love me, how you want to bless me, what additional good you can bring into my life. You ponder the path of my feet and think about the next step before I even know where I'm at currently. When I go to bed you are thinking about me, and when I wake up your thoughts are still on me. I love you Lord with all my heart. You know this full well.

I submit my life, my will, my all to you once again. Lead me in the way everlasting. Fulfill in my life each day that is written in your book. I want nothing less! Who I'm I that you are mindful of me? That you hear me when I call? It is true that your ear is inclined towards me constantly and you keep me as the apple of your eye. Were the enemy to touch me, you would rise up Oh Lion of Judah and tear him to pieces for me.

Search my heart Oh God and know my thoughts. See the desires of my heart and fulfill them in accordance with your will. Point out those things in my life that make you sad and help me change them. All I want is to bring you honor and glory with all that I am.

Daddy, I never want to bring you shame or to let you down. I want more than anything, to be a daughter you can be proud of. Give me the wisdom I need to navigate this season of my life.

Love Them Regardless

Loving people is a challenge for just about anyone, but for us Choleric's it is a chore! Hard work! A choleric may love you but be unable to show that love, especially if there is a chance that it will not be returned. Can you imagine the drama of having a crush on a guy who looks like he doesn't know you exist in that sense? Help me Jesus!!!

Well, I generally don't want to invest myself emotionally on anything or anyone if the end result is not already semi guaranteed. These situations where you are not sure of what the result or response will be do not work for me one bit. I need to have an inkling that you like me or want to be with me before I can show you that I like you. You know what I mean?!!

Anyway, there is this guy. I have no idea what it is about him that I like so much. Even though I like him, it is from afar. I am not even trying to invest my emotions on him and end up with a broken heart. As I was meditating on that and trying to figure out how I can be his friend without over investing myself I hear the voice of the Lord tell me that I am to love all people as he loves me.

I look up at the ceiling, raise one eyebrow and ask "how is that?" He goes on to show me that while we were yet sinners, while we had nothing to attract us to him, he loved us. So much so, that he took the ultimate gamble and gave up his life for us. He invested himself in man, body, soul and spirit and waited to see if we would accept his love for us and return the same. To date, he is still waiting for some to say yes Lord, but for those who accept and love the Lord Jesus, his gamble has paid off big time!!

So, I am not suggesting that you get careless with your heart, but sometimes you just need to go in the deep end and love some of these people regardless of whether they will love you back or not. Isn't that what Christ did for you? So I am determined to love this guy the way Christ loved me. To invest my time, emotions, prayers etc... in him. If he ever loves me back, great! If he never does, my love tank will remain full, because Jesus, the lover of my soul is doing an excellent job of loving me.

Surrounded By Death!

Everywhere I look I see death these days. If I am not dying to self, I am dying to some desire or other... Or someone I know and love is dying (RIP Dad)... or my friends are hooking up with their significant others and our relationship is dying. Death all round!

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise

2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness

This is the hardest verse in the Bible for me right now. How can he not be slack in his promises when he won't give me the one main desire of my heart? I don't understand. Maybe its about timing but Lord, I need you to help me wait on you with a joyful heart. I'm losing my joy and that has been my strength. Without joy i'm a gonna and you know it. Please help me stay joyful and keep my eye on the ball.

Look and See!

This verse jumped out at me today and made sense. Isn't it interesting how God will allow you to sit somewhere looking on something happening without really seeing it for what it is. Then one day, in the fullness of time, the scales fall from your eyes and you see things for what they really are. Exodus 2:11 says

"One day, after Moses was grown, it happened that he went out to his brethren and looked at their burdens; and he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of [Moses'] brethren".

Moses was 40 years old at this time. I don't believe that this was the first time he saw the oppression of the Hebrews, but that day when he went out to his brethren he did not just look at them generally, he looked at their burdens. He looked at the yoke that was laid on them and for the very first time in 40 years he saw!

I believe that God kept his understanding clouded on the issue because there were things he needed to learn while there and also because the fullness of time was not yet. When the time came for God to draw him near to himself he called him away by causing the incidents that followed after he finally understood just how oppressed his people were.

I am going through such a time as well where God has opened my eyes to see somethings I had never seen before. But I also believe that all this has happened to provoke movement and change of direction in my life to the glory of his name. May I only walk towards his will for me to the fulfillment of my destiny and never away. We serve a good God oh!!!

What do I still lack?

The story of the rich young ruler is told in the books of Matthew, Mark and Luke. The fact that it is repeated in 3 out of the 4 gospels tells me that it was a very important lesson that we need to learn. This young ruler came to Jesus asking him what he must do to have eternal life. I find it interesting that Jesus told him to focus on the basics as listed in the 10 commandments. The young man said that he observed all these things. It is clear that he felt that he was not yet there as he asked the Lord "...what do I still lack?" Jesus told him to sell his material goods, give the money to the poor and follow him.

Now, I don't believe that Jesus wants us all to take the vow of poverty. On the contrary I believe that God wants to put wealth into our hands. However, I do believe that God does not want that wealth to have our hearts. This young ruler, although he was doing all the right things like many Christians today, was held in the grip of materialism. In today's world he would have been saved like you and I. He would have been a tither and give both mandatory and free will offerings. We would have looked at him and would have thought that for sure this guy had attained eternal life. However, his heart did not belong to God. It belonged to his wealth.

The Bible records that he went away very sad and Jesus made the comment that it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God. So what is the antidote for materialism. How can we avoid the fowler's snare that this young man found himself in?

1. God must be the center of our lives. We cannot look to the left or to the right. We must let God be all in all. Our eyes must be on him alone. I have resolved that when I am in his presence I will focus on him. I will not ask him for material wealth but will thank him for his provision because his word says that if we seek him first, all these things shall be added to us.
2. We must evaluate our lives honestly and see what has our hearts. What is it that I am not willing to do without? What would I begrudge God, should he tell me to give it away? The Isaac test was for God to be sure that Abraham's heart was in the right place. Would you give away your Isaac?

I think about Hannah. She begged God for a son, crying as if her heart would break. Then God gives her this child and tells her that she must then be separated from him as soon as he is weaned. If you were Hannah, would you give God your son? What is that one thing that you want for yourself so badly? What have you been crying out for? What have you travailed for and finally received? If God asked you for it, would you give it back? Sela!

The Final Battle

According to Revelation 13:16 the last battle that man and the enemy are going to engage in will be fought out in the marketplace. I had never seen this before until I realized that in order to buy or sell anything you will have to bear the mark of the enemy. This tells me that the economic world is crucial for the devils end time agenda.

I have heard that drug dealers, in a bid to create a market for their product, will offer it for free to a person and once they are hooked on it and cannot do without it, they then withhold it from them unless they can pay for it. In their desperation, the drug addict will do anything to secure another hit. They will steal, kill and prostitute just to get the next hit. This is the devil's strategy for us as well where the economic world is concerned. He has created such a "need" for the things of this world that even the Church has been caught up in a materialistic frenzy of epic proportions. In many churches today, the minor things have become the major things, while the major things have become the minor things.

Anything that has your heart, if it is not God, is an idol to you. If wealth has your heart it is an idol to you. In many churches most of the sermons are about money. The manipulation has become ridiculous. It almost feels like if you do not give a certain amount God will not look at you twice. Yet our God is not like that. The spirit of materialism has so pervaded the church that it is now on the altar and has become an idol to be worshiped by the people. An abomination that causes desolation. The sermon's are watered down. The people are stuck in their sins with no help. The sick are still sick. We see no miracles, signs or wonders to confirm the word of the Lord. Why? What has changed?

We have majored on the minors. It is about souls. It is about God. Let him be on the altar. Let him be worshiped. I have been hearing God say to me this year, "go back to the basics." Love your neighbor. Honor your Father and Mother. Bring all your tithes and offerings to the house. Forgive those who trespass against you. Be holy for I am holy. Do not abuse Grace. Sit here and stay right with me. These are the things that matter to God. I hate to say this, but ambitious church programs will not get it done. Having a church full of people and not teaching them how to walk right will not help them. If all they can think about, pray about, wail about in their homes is "God give me more money so I too can live well, eat well, drive the best and go on holiday to some exotic location" there is a problem. If the measure of whether or not you are blessed is how much wealth you have, then there is a problem.

I am not against living well. I believe as children of the King we should live well. However, that is not our goal in life. Our testimonies cannot be just about how God increased our income or how we have a new car. We need to have testimonies about how many people we spoke to about Christ. How many people we have prayed for and seen the manifestation of God in tangible healing and deliverance. If these were the testimonies we heard in church, how many people would be saved?

My heart breaks when I read the last verses of the faith chapter, Hebrews 11:35-38

"...Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. ³⁶ Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. ³⁷ They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted,were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented— ³⁸ of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, indens and caves of the earth."

Those described in this passage endured hell and held on to the Lord. They never had a good house, they lived in caves and dens and holes in the ground. They were destitute for this gospel. They were afflicted and tormented, mocked and whipped to a bloody pulp. They were tempted being promised all the wonderful material things we crave if only they would recant. Yet for this gospel, the true gospel of Christ, they refused to give in. The world was not worthy of them.

In the final marketplace battle this same scenario will be repeated. How many of us will be willing to walk away from all that we have to live in a den or a cave because of the gospel. I dare say that the addiction strategy of the enemy is such that he has many Christians hooked to materialism. Many would accept the mark and sell their souls instead of giving up their material comforts.

Who or what has your heart? No, really, who or what has your heart? Meditate on that and let the honest answer come to you.

Marked with God's Mark

On March 2nd the Lord began to speak to me about marking me with his mark. As I was praying that morning his presence was heavy on me and I could almost feel him place his mark, his seal, on my forehead. On March 3rd I felt the need to study this marking and why the Lord would mark his people. Turns out that on various occasions, when the Lord was about to bring judgement he marked his people to exempt them from the coming upheaval.

1. The first incident I noted of a marking was in the book of Exodus where he tells the Israelites to put the blood of a lamb on their door posts. That way when the angel of judgement came, he would see the blood and pass over them.
2. The second place I saw this was in the book of Ezekiel 9:1-6. In this passage God is about to release his army for judgement. However, he asks them to wait until those who are his have been marked. The army of the Lord is then given instructions not to harm anyone with the mark of God on them.
3. Revelation 7:1-4 is another such passage. Once again God holds his troops until his own people have been marked on their foreheads. The troops are then commanded not to touch them as they execute the orders of the Lord.

One thing we do not understand is that we are in the Last days and in this last days we are going to bear a mark of ownership whether we like it or not. You are either going to be marked with the mark of God, or with the mark of the devil. Revelation 7 talks about the seal of God that bears his name. Each one who is a bond servant of our God will have this mark. Revelation 13 talks about another seal. The mark of the devil that bears his name or the number of his name, the famous 666. Based on where we are in history the question becomes, "Which mark is going to be on your forehead?" We get to decide based on the way we are living our lives today.

The Counsel of the Lord - My Treasure!

Lately my heart has been crying out for the counsel of the Lord. I just feel like I am waiting for certain instruction for the next phase of my life and this instruction is God's counsel to me.

The Bible says that Jesus is also a counselor and the Holy Spirit is referred to as the Spirit of Counsel and Might. On many occasions we see God angry at Israel because:

1) They did not seek his counsel (Joshua 9:14)

2) On other occasions they sought his counsel but did not heed it once they got it, instead they despised it (Ps 106:13, 107:11)

My job right now is to seek his counsel and once I have the counsel of the Lord, I must carry it out to the glory of his name. Both of these actions resulted in harm to Israel.

God is more than willing to share his counsel with us and we need to be just as ready to execute that counsel so that his will can be done on earth as it is in heaven and that his Kingdom may come on the earth.

Job 15:8

Have you heard the counsel of God?

Job 29:4

When the friendly counsel of God was over my tent

Psalm 16:7

I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel;

Psalm 33:11

The counsel of the LORD stands forever,

The plans of His heart to all generations.

Psalm 73:24

You will guide me with Your counsel

Proverbs 3:32

For the perverse person is an abomination to the LORD,

But His secret counsel is with the upright.

Proverbs 8:14

Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom;

I am understanding, I have strength.

Proverbs 19:21

There are many plans in a man’s heart,

Nevertheless the LORD’s counsel—that will stand.

Isaiah 5:19

And let the counsel of the Holy One of Israel draw near and come,

That we may know it.

Isaiah 28:29

This also comes from the LORD of hosts,

Whois wonderful in counsel and excellent in guidance.

Zechariah 6:13

And the counsel of peace shall be between them both.

Ephesians 1:11

In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will.