Amazed at God!

Who is this God we serve? This great and awesome God who sits upon the throne. The earth and the sky see him and flee, folding up like a scroll. Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, the whole earth is full of his glory! This great and awesome God has chosen me. I cry out with Isaiah "My eyes have seen the King!" He has chosen me. I am in awe of him.

This God has stooped down to make me great! He has chosen me, one who was counted among the foolish of the earth, that he may confound the wise. I am the least likely, but he has chosen me to do the almighty! Who I'm I Lord, that you are mindful of me?!

1 Samuel 2

⁵ Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
but those who were hungry are hungry no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
but she who has had many sons pines away.

⁶ “The LORD brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up.
⁷ The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
he humbles and he exalts.
⁸ He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor.

“For the foundations of the earth are the LORD’s;
on them he has set the world.
⁹ He will guard the feet of his faithful servants,
but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness.

“It is not by strength that one prevails;

I found it!!

This is what I have been crying out for all morning. I found it!

Ephesians 3:19 Amplified

[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!

Fill me with as much you as I can take without exploding Lord. Fill me with the richest measure of you that I was created to carry. I want to be a body wholly filled and flooded with you my God! Do it for me Lord and do not delay!

Fill Me! Possess Me!

I want to be full. Full of your Spirit Lord. So full that he manifests in all that I am and all that pertains to me. So full that my shadow can heal the sick, and my bones, after I am dead and buried can raise the dead. So full, that clothes from my body and handkerchiefs belonging to me can heal the sick. I want to be so full that it is no longer I that live, but you who lives in me. Fill me! Fill me! My heart cries out to you Oh Lord. Fill me to over flowing! Soak me in your river. Dunk me under getting me soaking wet with your Spirit.

Once I saw a girl who was possessed by an evil spirit. She looked at me with a knowing look. I had never seen her or met her before, yet she recognized me or something in me. I remember looking at that girl, she must have been 12-14 years old and thinking to myself that what was looking at me out of her eyes was not her. It was something else. A different spirit.

Lord, if a demon can manifest itself in a girl and look out of her eyes at me, and I know that the world of the enemy copies you, then your Spirit can fill me so much as to possess me. So that he looks through my eyes, he hears with my ears, he feels with my heart, he thinks with my mind, he answers with my tongue, he touches those in the world with my hands. It can be done! I am giving myself to you in whole hearted surrender. Take me! Fill me! Possess me Holy Spirit! Use me! Show me my purpose and walk it out through me.

Isaiah 11

²And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him--the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and of the reverential and obedient fear of the Lord--

³And shall make Him of quick understanding, and His delight shall be in the reverential and obedient fear of the Lord. And He shall not judge by the sight of His eyes, neither decide by the hearing of His ears;

⁴But with righteousness and justice shall He judge the poor and decide with fairness for the meek, the poor, and the downtrodden of the earth; and He shall smite the earth and the oppressor with the rod of His mouth, and with the breath of His lips He shall slay the wicked.

⁵And righteousness shall be the girdle of His waist and faithfulness the girdle of His loins.

I Am Yours!

I am yours Lord. How can I say it enough? How can I show you enough? I am yours spirit, soul and body. Thank you for teaching me about me. About how you made me. So that I can see how I have done things in the past and how I ought to do them now. I am a triune being just like you. Where you are Father, Son and Holy Ghost, I am Spirit, Soul and Body. Made in your image and in your likeness.

My Spirit - The part that communicates with you.

My Body - The part that communicates with this world you have put me in.

My Soul - The true essence of my being.

I am a soul that lives in a body and has a spirit. I am a soul. A soul has a mind and heart. The mind is the seat of my intellect, reasoning, learning etc... My heart is the seat of my emotions. God made me this way because he is the same way. He thinks, he reasons, he is all knowing so I guess he doesn't learn new things. He feels, so he has emotions. He gets angry, he laughs, he weeps... I am made just like him.

The external world is not to dominate my soul so that I am affected by what I see and hear in the natural more than by what I see and hear in the spiritual. I am to be introverted in that I look within for answers. I look within for solutions and for the way in which I should walk. What do I mean within? I mean into my spirit where the Holy Spirit resides and speaks. He should be my source. He should be the final word regardless of what I see and hear on the outside.

Lord, you have said that in these last days you will pour out all your Spirit on your sons and daughters here on the earth. Here I am. I have come. It is written about me in your book. Pour out all your Spirit in me that I may manifest as a son of God on the earth. My heart Lord is that heaven would find expression on the earth through me. Do not delay Lord. You have called me and set me apart and said of me "I have need of you!" Therefore use me now Lord. Do not delay. I have come to answer the call.

You asked, "who shall I send, and who shall go for us" and I have answered "Here I am. Send me."

It is enough! It is enough that you love me. It is enough that you have favored me. It is enough that you have drawn me near and called me your own. It is enough that you have delighted yourself in me and chosen to honor me Lord. My heart is content. Only draw me closer still. Only bring me deeper still. Until the river becomes a flood, water in which I am forced to swim.

Who have I on earth but you? And in heaven, who have I besides you? You are my all in all. You are the apple of my eye. You are the darling of my heart. I love you with all that I am. I bless you. May I always be a delight to you dear Lord. All the days of my existence both here on earth and beyond!

Laying Siege

This year has been awesome in many ways, but for sure there are times when nothing has worked like I have wanted it to. The work of my hands has struggled in so many ways, yet God has supplied all my needs and more. Somehow I feel disappointed. A lot of my expectations have not been met. I feel like it has been an upward climb and a hard one at that. Still God has given me favor on all sides and fortitude to keep pushing against the wall that stands in front of me. I am convinced that if I can just break through this invisible wall, I can get to the other side. Which is where I want to be. I have been laying siege all year. Surely my breakthrough is near. May God give me the strength to hang in there until the walls come tumbling down. It is my hour.

Death Valley

There is life to be found only on the other side of death. But walking through death valley is the hardest thing I ever did. A while back the Lord took me to Psalm 23 and focussed in on verse 3

"he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for his name’s sake".

Even though I read it and highlighted it and knew there was meaning to it, I didn't quite comprehend what it was all about. Until today. Hindsight really is 20:20. The following verse reads

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."

That is one place none of us wants to be at, but each one of us must get to the place where we die to self. Some deaths are easier than others but then there are those places in life where you can't explain to anyone what is happening to you. All you know is that you are dying. That you must lay yourself and your will on the altar and die without knowing what is on the other side of death.

Yet I know that there is life on the other side of death. A life that can only be found on the other side of death. Abraham received confirmation of the promise after he gave his son up as a sacrifice to the Lord. He must have died a thousand deaths walking his son to the mountain of sacrifice. But he had to. He was submitted to this God just like you and I are and there was nothing he could keep from him. Not even his only son.

God must know, that he knows, that he knows, that he is your first love. He must weigh and test the heart of man over and over again to be able to say like he did with Abraham in Genesis 22

"now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.”

Is there anything I can withhold from God? Not a thing. Therefore I must give it all up if I must and die a thousand deaths if I must until my Lord is satisfied that my heart loves him. Mine is to trust him that he is indeed leading me in paths of righteousness for his names sake. That when I come out of death valley there will be a table laid out for me in the presence of my enemies. That as I continue to trust in him he will somehow fulfill the desires of my heart according to his word and his promise.

In the meantime Lord, let your rod and your staff comfort me and let your goodness, mercy and unfailing love follow me all the days of my life!

Honor

Honor. This is a word that honestly has been lost to our society. However, it is a very common word in the Bible. What is honor? According to Websters dictionary: Honor is excellence of character, high moral worth, integrity, uprightness, trustworthiness. It also includes purity and chastity. A person of honor knows what is right, just and true and does it. He or she is aware of all duties imposed by his conscience, position and privilege and acts on these duties. How would you know what is honorable? Honorable things attract esteem, respect and consideration.

In this light, the story of Jabez is given a whole new light. The Bible says he was honorable meaning that he was of high moral worth, of excellent character, integrous, upright and worthy of trust. 1 Chron 4:9-10

⁹Jabez was honorable above his brothers; but his mother named him Jabez [sorrow maker], saying, Because I bore him in pain.

¹⁰Jabez cried to the God of Israel, saying, Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and You would keep me from evil so it might not hurt me! And God granted his request.

This story says that your honor has clout with God. If you are honorable and upright and ask God to bless you and enlarge your border, God can trust you with more and bless you indeed. But if you are without honor, how can God give you more than just sustenance?

So who is the man that God is pleased to Honor?

Over and over in the Bible God says that it is the man that honors him that he will in turn honor. With this he also directly links honor with humility. But what is humility? It is defined as freedom from pride and arrogance. A humbleness of mind, a modest estimation of your own worth, a sense of your own unworthiness in the sight of God, penitence for sin and even submission to divine will. The expression of humility is difficult for most people, myself included because we expect it to be an outward action.

In my own view, humility is knowing that without God I am nothing and can do nothing. Led by that knowledge, I accept him as my savior and Lord of my life. That done, I hand over my will to him and ask him to lead my every move. It means that I seek him often because I know that if he does not guide my steps I will make a false move. It is refusing to despise people in my heart but loving them with the love of God at all times. Humility is a condition of the heart and we all know that the heart, according to Jeremiah is deceptive and wicked above all things. It is therefore quite possible to think you are a humble person but you are not.

I am not sure if it was a book I was reading or a movie I was watching but this guy was brought to his knees by his oppressors. While on his knees before them, while they were shouting in triumph and looking down their noses at him on his knees, he made a very profound statement. He said "I may be on my knees, but on the inside I am standing up!" That was a tear jerking moment! But the opposite should be true for us believers. As God elevates us and promotes us to positions of honor we may be standing up on the outside, but on the inside we are on our knees in humility before God!

True humility is the road to honor and glory in God. The book of Esther talks about her uncle Mordecai who would not kneel before Haman. To all around him it looked like the height of pride and arrogance. However, all Mordecai was doing was honoring God above man. So Haman plans his demise and that of all his Jewish people. In Chapter 6 God decides to show Mordecai honor because he honored him and decides to use the King to do this. The King is in a dilemma about what to do and by God's genius Haman had just walked in. The King asks a question that blesses me. He says "What shall be done for the man the King wishes to Honor?" What shall be done for the man that King Jesus wishes to Honor? What shall be done for the man Jehovah wishes to honor? What shall be done?

Ours is not to know what shall be done, ours is to become the man that God would be pleased to honor. Are you that person? Can God sit in heaven and ask, "what shall be done for my daughter Cynthia whom I am pleased to honor?" Would God be pleased to Honor you?

HE WILL NEVER FORSAKE ME

The other day I sinned in such a way as to shock myself. I have read in books by Mahesh Chavda that fasting is like skimming milk. It causes that which is hidden within you to rise so God can skim it off you. Boy! Did it ever! I could not believe myself. Anyway, in the midst of all my guilt and shame God took that opportunity to teach me about his unmerited favor and what it means when he says I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Flash back to Calvary. Jesus is hanging on that cross for you and me and a great divine exchange is taking place. All our sins are being placed on him so that he is black with it. God the Father, who cannot stand sin backs away from Jesus turning his face away from him. Up till now Jesus has had the awesome presence of the Almighty giving him strength. He feels the Father withdraw from him and cries “Eloi, Eloi, lama Sabachthani?” which means “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” He is totally alone in the world. Utterly naked and abandoned because of the sin that now covers him. But guess what? He went through that so that you and I will never be forsaken even when we fall. What a divine exchange!

If you have accepted the covering of the cross of Jesus which is salvation, when God looks at you he sees you through the lens of what happened on Calvary. This means that when you sin, like I did, God looks at you, sees the blood of Calvary and stays by your side. He never, ever forsakes you because he already forsook Christ at Calvary. When you repent he is quick to forgive you and wash away that guilty stain.

Usually when I sin in a big way (in my human mind there are dimensions of sin) even though I repent I am racked with guilt. Then I go around worrying that God will leave me because of what I did and that he won’t help me anymore or show me the favor I have been enjoying in him up until the “great” sin. This time he told me that no matter what I do, he will not leave me nor forsake me. I must repent and turn away from the sin but his commitment to me, as long as I am in Christ is that he will always be by my side and with that, he will always give me his unmerited favor which is my help.

Christians tend to think that if we are spotless then God will favor us. In truth, there is nothing we can do to merit or deserve God’s favor. That is why it is unmerited favor. You can’t earn it. He just gives it to you. Got it!! The notion that when you sin God backs away from you, which is how many of us were taught about what happened at Calvary, is a half truth. When God sees me, he sees his son on Calvary, remembers that my sins past, present and future are already paid for and stays right by my side. What an awesome revelation! Therefore I can still approach the throne of God with boldness to repent of my sin and ask for the blood of Calvary to wash away that guilty stain so that I will still be presented on that day without spot or wrinkle.

Kairos - When Time Meets Destiny

This morning an angel woke me up with a tap on my arm. I woke up immediately but I was still groggy. Then I heard in my spirit to read Ecclesiastes 3. It talks about divinely appointed times. I must say that I am in an Kairos season of life. A door has been opened to me and God is requiring me to walk in the calling he has for me. He spoke to me through Acts 13:2 "Set apart for me Cynthia for the work to which I have called her" (my interpretation).

On the night of October 1st I went to bed at 9 exhausted. At 1:59 I woke up alert knowing that God had something to teach me. A friend and I had been talking about a vision I had in which I was taken up to heaven and the Spirit of the Lord had laid his hand on my forehead and imparted wisdom to me. As we were talking, the Spirit reminded me of the passage that says "Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you." (1 Tim 5:14) I realized that when I had that experience I had not known what to do with the gift but that it was still in me. Neglected and lying dormant.

When I woke up the Lord started showing me through his word what a valuable gift wisdom is and that man does not really understand its worth. As such, rarely are we taught about the more quiet gift of wisdom. Many people prefer the more vocal gifts, but this gem tends to lie neglected and yet the Bible says give everything up to attain wisdom if you must. It is more costly than Gold or silver. God speaks about it in his word over and over again. He gives us the root of it as "The fear of the Lord" and in Proverbs 4:7 he says

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.

Though it cost all you have, get understanding."

This morning God started to show me that by his wisdom he has set for us appointed times in our lives. Kairos times. Kairos is a greek word that means opportune time, right time or seasonal time. I am in my Kairos time. My doors have opened and I must seize the moment! According to Donna Kazenske, Kairos can be described as a God given moment of destiny. It is a time to be seized with decisiveness! It’s the alignment of natural and supernatural forces creating an environment for an opening to occur; a time when heaven and earth align with one another in a spiritual sense; a time when heaven touches earth in a way that will never be forgotten. Kairos is a particular moment, out of all the ordinary moments in time that has the capability to forever change the outcome of time itself. Kairos is the moment of decision, the moment of action, the moment of change. It can be a moment, or it can be an entire season of moments.

I am right smack in my Kairos season and I refuse to miss the day of my visitation. I refuse to be too afraid to make the necessary moves. I refuse to hesitate. I will move forward in boldness and confidence in God to seize my Kairos moments in the name of Jesus!!! Kairos, my moment to step into destiny. This is my hour and I must walk in my calling!!

Wholly Devoted To Him!

This God we serve, who can understand him? On the 15th of September I put up a blog with the heading "Would I?" talking about would I give it all up to follow him. This came out of the following passage:

Mark 10:29-31

²⁹"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel ³⁰will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.³¹But many who are first will be last, and the last first."

I have never understood this passage before. The other day I heard the Lord ask me, "Would you give up your hope for marriage and children to be wholly devoted and focussed on me?" Honestly that was one of those questions I had never thought the Lord would ask me. I have always thought I would get married. Anyone who has followed this blog for any length of time will testify that marriage is a big deal for me. So what is this now?

I heard the Lord refer me to Paul's discourse in 1 Corinthians 7. I did not have the courage to read it. Not until today. This passage is extremely difficult to read. Paul says that staying single is better than being married. I have never heard anyone, other than Paul make a case for staying single for life. I have never heard a sermon on it. It is always mentioned in passing. But what if this is what God requires of me?

The word 'devoted' keeps jumping up at me. Particularly when put as "wholly devoted." I'm hearing God saying to come out and be wholly devoted to the work for which he called me. And this passage says that staying single allows one to be wholly devoted to the Lord without distraction. Would it be so bad to remain single all my life? Jesus said that if I give it up I will, in this world, still get my reward. I believe him. This one is still up in the air. My answer is that I want to serve him in the way that he thinks is best for me.

Strangely enough I hear him asking me to make the choice. That if I choose to be married it is well and if I choose to stay unmarried it is well. There is no condemnation. But he would prefer that I focus wholly on him. There are things he can show me and use me to do only when I am single. Free will!! What to do with it?!!

2 Corinthians 8:12 says "For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have"

Lord, make me willing to devote myself wholly to you. I want to be used by you to the uttermost. I feel the loss of what I would be giving up if I choose to remain single forever. Yet I want your best for me and if that means being single till death then you help me to be willing to make the choice. Not grudgingly Lord, but with joy. I am yours. All yours. Make me willing O God and have your way in me.

34 Strong!!

They say that the older you get the better each birthday becomes. I can honestly say that it is true for me. I love each new year that the Lord gives me. This birthday is particularly exciting for me because of the things that God has been speaking to me as I fast. The numerology is awesome.

3 stands for the God Head

4 is a door as represented by the Dalet (number 4 in Hebrew).

7 is the number of completion resulting from the addition of 3 and 4.

I have been praying in line with these numbers and God keeps revealing more things to me. The number 4 is the one that has really stood out for me. God is talking about opening doors for me. The door to destiny. The definition of the word door is also quite interesting:

1) A door is a moveable barrier used to cover an opening.

2) Anything providing a means of access (or escape)

According to Wikipedia "Doors are often symbolically endowed with ritual purposes, and the guarding or receiving of the keys to a door, or being granted access to a door can have special significance"

Doors are also depicted as the portals through which the righteous may enter (Psalms 119:18) When God opens your eyes and you see wonderful things in his law, you see open doors in places you had not seen them before and God allows you to walk through them.

Another awesome thing that happened on Friday was that I was in a meeting at Kingdom Business Network when the man of God was led to anoint us with oil and prophesy over our lives. When he got to me he said:

"Stop waiting for the door to open. The sliding doors open for you when you move towards them. If you move in the direction you hear God telling you to move towards, the doors will open. Right now you are standing here waiting for the doors to open and they are waiting for you to make a move so they can open. "

After this I read the meaning of the word door in the back of my Bible and was amazed to find that Revelation 4:1 reads as follows:

"After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven."

This is the season I have stepped into. The season of the open door and of access into the throne room of God. Friday and Saturday during times of worship I got to experience this open door to the throne room of God. On both occasions all I could do was weep as I realized that I was in the very throne room of God. On Friday I just had to prostrate myself before him and on Saturday I had to get on my knees. It is amazing that the God of the whole universe has allowed me to appear before him in Zion and join the 24 elders in crying out

"You are worthy, our Lord and God,

to receive glory and honor and power,

for you created all things,

and by your will they were created

and have their being."

I cannot even begin to tell you how real this experience has been for me and how precious. One thing that I know in my heart is that God himself has opened this door to me and no one can shut it. I am blessed!!

I also know that God has opened doors for me in heaven and on earth in line with my calling. I will walk boldly towards everything God has spoken to me and I know that I will see amazing things in God and you will read all about them here. God bless you and Happy Birthday to me!!

Ask Of Me...

This morning I am amazed at the goodness of God. That the God of the whole universe, of Galaxies unknown would show up in my bedroom this morning and say:

"Ask what I should do for you in the next 3 months."

Interesting how when you hear something like this you begin to wonder if you are losing it. But out of the blue, God, who can read my mind from thousands of miles away, begins to share places in his word that he encourages his people to ask:

1 Kings 3:5

At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."

Psalm 2:8

Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession.

Zechariah 10:1

Ask the LORD for rain in the springtime;

So it is not strange that God would show up this morning on the 23rd day of my fast which is only 4 days to my birthday to ask such a thing. Speaking of the number 4, I will be 34 in 4 days. The number four is the dalet in hebrew and is depicted by the picture of a door. When I found that out it was quite significant for me because of my age.

Yesterday I fasted within my fast. That is to say that although I have been on a Daniel fast, yesterday I did liquids only from the night of the 21st to yesterday evening. In the afternoon I found myself crying out to God to remove the mystery in his word so that I could understand it. We are often told that God has revealed himself in his word but many times we read the word and come away without revelation of any kind. It is shrouded in mystery and only the Spirit of the Most High God can show you what he is talking about. As I was praying I found myself asking God to remove the veil. I do not want to be among them that see but do not perceive, who hear with their ears but cannot grasp and understand with their hearts. I need to read his word, perceive and grasp and understand God's meaning with my heart.

This morning when he asked me what I wanted, I felt like Herod's daughter after she had danced. She ran to her mother and said "What should I ask for?" And then it entered my heart to ask him to remove the veil. To open the door and let me into himself in the next 3 months. Everything I need is in him. If he can let me into himself I can understand me. I can have a greater sense of direction in this world. My husband and children, my riches and honor and everything else that I need are in him. I am so blessed to know this God.

Then I realized that I will be 34 and 3 is the number of divinity while 4 is depicted by a door. He interpreted it for me to mean that he will open the door into the God head. He will let me into himself and will remove the veil. I am so blessed. I am sitting here amazed and tickled at the same time. Amazed that the God of the universe would draw me deeper into himself and tickled at how awesome it will be to go in deeper. I said to him "Lord, bring me in like you brought Moses" God's testimony of Moses was:

Numbers 12:7-8a

⁷ But this is not true of my servant Moses;

he is faithful in all my house.

⁸ With him I speak face to face,

clearly and not in riddles;

he sees the form of the LORD.

34 will be a great year for me and in the next 3 months I believe I will see the mighty outpouring of the goodness of the Lord in my Life.

You can be sure that you will hear all about it on this blog so stay tuned!!

My 3 Fathers

Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all his benefits!! I am rejoicing greatly today because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the purpose of this fast. Surely when you seek God on any matter, you will find him. I will talk about what God has done for me at a later date when I can do so freely, but be informed, God is making the path for my feet very clear. I bless his name.

Today I want to talk about fatherhood and some of the things I am discovering along the way. My dad passed away on March 13th this year. As I said at the time, God stepped into that place he held in my heart immediately so that even though I missed dad terribly and grieved his death there was no void in me. I was still complete and whole. There was no emptiness. When we first learnt about dad's diabetes complications I had cried out to God in fear because dad had almost died. I could feel the huge void in me and did not want to have that emptiness. God was gracious and waited until I learnt to make him my true Father before taking dad.

Funny enough, now he has began to show me Fathers in the community who will step in to advice me as a father would. One is my best friend's dad who has so adopted me and indeed my family that he came for my sister's ruracio (ceremony to pay the bride price) after dad died. It was such a comfort to see how God had touched his heart for us and given him a sense of responsibility for the family. Mom was so honored to see him there too. This is the dad to whom I will take my boyfriend for the "daddy interrogation session" I am so blessed to have him.

The other Father that God has given me is Mr. Anthony Wahome of Linksoft Group. This father is the one who advices me on how to do life and business. When I think I am hearing God about something or when I want to make a career change or need business advice this is the Father to go to. He is so godly and such a blessing and I will be working very closely with him in the next season of my life.

Daddy No. 3 is my Pastor Allan Kiuna who I just love to bits. This daddy prays for me, cries for me, seeks God on my behalf. This father teaches me the ways of the Lord, how to walk uprightly before my God. He puts tools for success in my hand and blesses me Sunday after Sunday and other times in between. I love my pastor dearly.

These three men have been put in my path by God and are always ready to hear me if I need to speak. I pursue these fathers diligently because they have been put in place for me by God. I honor and treasure them. See how good God is, even though he has taken away my biological father, out of his death I have received 3 Fathers and Jehovah as well. I am blessed!!

Would I?

I keep asking myself, "would I give it all up to follow Christ?" He says:

Mark 10:29-31

²⁹"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel ³⁰will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. ³¹But many who are first will be last, and the last first."

And then I think of the donkey that Jesus rode on to enter Jerusalem that final time and what he said about it in Mathew 21:3 "³If anyone says anything to you, tell him that the Lord needs them, and he will send them right away."

My mentor often says that he is the donkey that Christ is riding on. I hear Jesus saying "Come away with me Cynthia and if anyone asks you where you are going tell them 'the Lord needs me'"

Last night I had a dream with the picture of Christ entering Jerusalem on the donkey. And I was being instructed in the dream and the person instructing me said "they will welcome him with shouts of El Rei! El Rei!" I could see the words and the spelling was clear. I asked in the dream, "What does El Rei mean?" and the person instructing me said "You will find out." I woke up at some crazy hour of the night and googled those words and this is what I found. El Rei is Portuguese for "The King" interestingly enough the Spanish translation is "El Rey" but that was not what I saw. I clearly saw it spelled with an "i" at the end. I don't know what this dream means but "they shall welcome him with shouts of The King, The King!"

Now please note that I do not speak Spanish or Portuguese and these words were downloaded to me in the spirit. My intellect was absolutely clueless on what they meant until I googled them. How is that for food for thought?!!!

Sweet Forgiveness

I thank God for Mahesh Chavda who has written an awesome book on prayer and fasting called "The hidden power of prayer and fasting." In it he talks about the power of a fast to cleanse by bringing to the surface hidden or underlying sin that the person may not even know exists. He gives an example of himself and how at one point he let out an expletive that shocked even him during a fast. He was surprised when the spirit of God, instead of being offended, showed him that he was bringing hidden sin to the surface.

It is as if milk has been put on a fire to boil. When you let it cool the cream forms at the top. That cream represents the hidden sins in your life. The Lord removes that sin as you would remove cream to skim milk then allows it to boil again that he may get more to the surface.

I have had two such incidences in the last 4 days. Boy was I embarrassed! Each time the Lord says "I am exposing some root causes of sin in your life so that we can deal with them." The Lord wants to make sure that those sins never show up again in my life. I think that because of this I am discovering the value of a prolonged fast. These sins have only shown up on day 10 and 13 of my fast. I was of course feeling very guilty as I kept thinking to myself "How can I sin like this when fasting?" But the Lord has ministered grace to me through the book of Zechariah 3.

In this wonderful chapter is Joshua who is a high priest through the calling of God. He stands before the Lord in filthy garments representing his sin. Satan the accuser of brethren has also come to point out just how filthy his garments are and to accuse him before the Lord. Joshua, guilty as sin (pun intended), does not say a word. He is clearly guilty as charged. But the Lord speaks up for him in verse 2 and rebukes the devil:

The LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, Satan! The LORD, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?"

Then he commands that clean rich garments be put on Joshua and that a turban be put on his head. The priestly turban read "Holy to the Lord." He is reinstated to his position of service and authority in God with the command to walk in his ways and keep his requirements. I thank God for this chapter because it speaks also of us who are kings and priests to our God! We also through repentance have been forgiven and reinstated to our positions in God. The accuser of brethren has been rebuked for us. We shall make it in God in Jesus Name! When you fall be encouraged and repent. Ask God to take away the root cause of that sin so that it will never manifest again. You are Holy unto the Lord!!

Beautiful In Its Time

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face enjoying the fact that the early morning sun was pouring into my apartment. I love sunny mornings! Shortly though, I got in a very strange mood where I began to feel disappointed and discouraged at God. I felt that he was moving too slowly and was not listening to me. Now that I think about it, I must be doing some serious damage to the devils camp for him to give me such an attack. Something must be happening in the heavenlies if that attack is anything to go by. There was a darkness and a heaviness in my heart that I was not understanding. I just kept praying over and over again for God to deliver me and I was really rebuking the devil. Then it hit me that I needed to tell God what I was feeling and so I began to pour out my heart to him. In the middle of all that I said "Now is my time!" and I put in some really crazy demands. You know, when you are busy ranting and raving the Lord just lets you finish then later it dawns on you how ridiculous you sounded!

When I was done the Lord said "Anything I do for you is only beautiful in its time." That hit me hard. It means that if it comes before or after its God ordained time it will cause havoc and not be a blessing. God being the awesome daddy that he is knows this and will not respond to my demands for "Now!" if that is not the right time. So once again I found myself at his feet. Begging forgiveness and laying down my demands, dreams, hopes and desires. All I can say is "let it be unto me according to your word and in your time." I pray for peace and victory in the waiting. I need that more than anything else at this time!!

Father to the Fatherless

As I continue to pray that God would release me into my destiny, the Lord unfolded a different aspect of it yesterday. In all truth, I was not expecting this aspect of it to be part of the discussion. I had told God that I had entered rest where marriage was concerned and that I was never going to let it be a an issue between us. I had really began to slide into the thought that I would never be married and that it would be well with my soul. I have said it often to those around me that a man is not a need. I can live without one. But it would be good to have one. But delay is not denial!! Now I know (this is personal revelation) that if I remain single forever I will miss out on God's best for me. Yet for others, it may be that if they get married they will miss out on God's best for them. That is why I say it is personal.

The Lord led me into several prayers last night and this morning. He also asked me to put together a wish list where my man was concerned with instructions to put a seed and the list in an envelope and drop them at the altar on Sunday during the service. In the middle of my quiet time this morning I suddenly found myself missing my dad intensely. I remembered the day he came out of surgery. I remembered the day he told me that he was going to die. I remembered conversations we had in the past and how towards the end of his life he had become my confidant. I would ask for his advice and tell him what I was thinking of doing. If dad said no that was the end of it. If he said go ahead I knew that God had spoken. Many times when I was confused about what to do, or if I had two options that seemed right, I would ask God to speak through dad and whatever dad said to do is what I did. I was blessed every time. I miss that.

I remembered the day he died. I remembered his face and how my sister Gigi and I were the wailing women in the hospital. Gigi and I had such a special bond with dad. We knew without a doubt that he loved us. Even when we did crazy things and got ourselves into a mess. It was dad who always picked us out of our mire, provided solutions to our mess and punished us in love. He did not spare the rod. Not Dad!!! He would whack you good and then give you an added punishment just for effect. But his discipline was the life giving kind. His loss was very painful for me. However, I must say that God stepped in immediately to fill the gap. He became my Father in more ways than one. Even though I felt dad's loss I did not have a void or gaping hole within me. God filled up that spot immediately and by so doing preserved me in more ways than one.

This morning God showed me in the Bible of another person that had lost a parent and how God had stepped in to comfort him. Genesis 23-24 talks about the death of Sarah and how Abraham mourned and wept over her. Isaac was there too. Like me, he was weeping and mourning the loss of a parent that dotted over him, that encouraged him and loved him. After Abraham had buried her it is important to note that he saw a need in Isaac that he did not see in himself. Isaac did not realize that he needed a wife and he was 37 years old. He was probably saying like me that she was not a need but it would be good to have one. Yet his father, who represents God in this case, saw a need in his son and immediately knew that a wife would meet that need. So he sends his servant, who represents the Holy Spirit, on a matchmaking mission. He says to him "...get a wife for my son Isaac."

You know the story. The servant is successful and comes back with Rebekah in tow. Verse 67 of Genesis 24 gives the conclusion of the matter:

"Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death."

The love between a man and a woman has a comforting effect in the death of a loved one. It is no wonder then that in this time of discussing my destiny God would think of my wholeness and would see a need in me that I have not even seen in myself. What a wonderful Father he is. God takes care of every need to ensure that you are whole in order to run with the destiny that he has in store for you. I am not deceived. I know that marriage is for destiny, but how wonderful to know that God wants to comfort me after my fathers death and to use a wonderful man of God to love on me like Christ loves the Church and to become a confidant and covering for me as surely as Dad was. I know in my spirit that even now the Holy Spirit is out on a matchmaking mission on my behalf for the word of the Lord says in Isaiah 34 :16

"Search from the Book of the Lord and read; Not one of these shall fail; Not one shall lack her mate. For my mouth has commanded it, and His Spirit has gathered them."

Deaf and Mute

In Mark 7:33-35 we read about a man with a deaf and mute spirit. Still on the topic of the tongue it is obvious that if one cannot hear they cannot speak. If you cannot hear what God is saying, how can you speak what is right? Psalm 38:13 says:

¹³ I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear,

like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;

Jesus spoke in parables that had hidden meaning. The disciples asked him why he did this and his reply found in Mathew 13:13-14 says

¹³This is the reason that I speak to them in parables: because having the power of seeing, they do not see; and having the power of hearing, they do not hear, nor do they grasp and understand.

¹⁴In them indeed is ^]the process of fulfillment of the prophecy of Isaiah, which says: You shall indeed hear and hear but never grasp and understand; and you shall indeed look and look but never see and perceive.

The secrets of the Kingdom of God are for those who hear with their natural ears and then hear again with their spiritual ears. Hearing with your spiritual ears means that you grasp and you understand the secrets of God behind the natural words you are hearing. You have the power to hear the secrets of the Kingdom and those secrets when spoken by you bring deliverance, prosperity, healing and success in every area of your life.

I am amazed at the goodness of God. Two days, or so ago I was telling him to speak to me like he did with Moses. God testifies in Numbers 12 6-8

⁶And He said, Hear now My words: If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord make Myself known to him in a vision and speak to him in a dream.

⁷But not so with My servant Moses; he is entrusted and faithful in all My house.

⁸With him I speak mouth to mouth [directly], clearly and not in dark speeches; and he beholds the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant Moses?

And again in Exodus 33:11 "And the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend."

My hearts desire is that God will speak to me so that I can understand and grasp with my heart the mysteries of his Kingdom to walk in the ways he has ordained for me.

Mark 7 and Mark 9 record incidences when Jesus met with people who were deaf and mute and needed to be free of this condition. In Mark 9 a demon is causing the issue. It has blocked the boys hearing and stopped him from speaking. Moreover, it has on occasion thrown him the fire and in water so that it could kill him. A deaf and mute spirit has nothing for you but destruction and death. Does not the word of God say that the enemy comes only to steal, kill and destroy? When you are unable to grasp and understand the meaning of the word of the Lord you are unable to receive life to yourself. Why? Because Jesus said to the woman at the well, "these words that I speak to you, they are spirit and they are life." The words of the Lord are life. If you cannot truly hear what the Lord is saying you are dying.

The Lord looks at the boy and commands that deaf and mute spirit to depart which it promptly does. This of course throws off the disciples who had been doing the same thing in his name and had been unable to get this nasty spirit to leave. Jesus tells them that this kind, this particular breed, rank, caliber of spirit can only bow to prayer and fasting!! Wow!! Does that not just shed a whole new light to prayer and fasting?!! If you want the deaf and mute spirit to depart from you pray and fast then rebuke that spirit and send it packing!! This explains why when you are fasting you hear, grasp and understand what God is saying so clearly!!

The case in Mark 7 is different. We see no spirits here. This man, although deaf and mute, does not seem to be possessed by any devil. There is no deliverance service happening here. The process is quite simple:

³³After he took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put his fingers into the man's ears. Then he spit and touched the man's tongue. ³⁴He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him, "Ephphatha!" (which means, "Be opened!" ). ³⁵At this, the man's ears were opened, his tongue was loosened and he began to speak plainly.

Christ commands him to be opened. Immediately he can hear and immediately he can speak plainly.

These two instances tell me that one can have their spiritual hearing (and by default speaking) blocked by a demonic spirit or by God. Exodus 4:11

¹¹ The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ?

However, the desire of God is that you hear and that you speak right. However, your hearing and your speaking is dictated by your heart. If your heart is calloused then you will see and will not perceive, you will hear but will not grasp and understand. The heart of God is that you will have your heart fixed so that you can truly see and truly hear. Jesus continues his discourse in Mathew 13:15 -16 and says:

¹⁵For this people's heart has become calloused;

they hardly hear with their ears,

and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

hear with their ears,

understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them. ¹⁶But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.

Therefore spiritual hearing and seeing is about understanding the meaning of what you see and hear. Its a matter of the heart. Each one of us therefore needs a new heart according to Jeremiah 17, because the old heart is "deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick!" If you can allow God to fix your heart, by taking away the old one and giving you a new one you can then be able to understand with your heart what you see and hear. Once this is done you can begin to speak the word of the Lord and by so doing to make your way prosperous!

Father today I come into your presence as one who longs to see and hear and to communicate with you face to face. Father, I ask that you would give me a new heart. The kind that can perceive, grasp and understand the things that you are saying to me. Father, today in the name of Jesus I come against any deaf and mute spirit that could have been hindering me from clearly hearing what you are saying to me. I come against it in the name of Jesus and decree that in that mighty name I am free to hear what the Lord my God is saying to me and perceive what I see, to grasp and understand with my heart everything that I hear you say. Lord I put my fingers in my ears just like you did with the deaf man and I touch my tongue and command them in the name of Jesus "Be opened!" I thank you for opening my hearing and loosing my tongue. Lord God I touch my eyes too and command them to be opened in the name of Jesus. Yes Lord! Blessed are my eyes for they see and my ears for they hear clearly. Blessed I'm I for my heart perceives, grasps and understands the mysteries and secrets of the Kingdom of God. Lord, I worship you today for reaching out to me. You are the revealer of mysteries and you have chosen to reveal them to me. I bless you and honor you. In Jesus name I do pray. Amen!!

Milk and Honey are Under Your Tongue!

I was praying before I started reading my Bible this morning and just as I was about to say Amen I felt that I was not done yet. So I began to worship the Lord and to pray in tongues. As I was doing so I could see in my minds eye flames on my tongue and a sword that went in and out of my mouth. As if my tongue was a sword going back and forth and a flame or tongue of fire was sitting on it.

James says that the tongue is a fire and like a small spark that can set a forest on fire so is the tongue. James says that the tongue is set on fire by hell and can cause much destruction. Then Isaiah 30:27 describes the tongue of God as a consuming fire. I realized that since we are created in the image of God our tongues also are a consuming fire. Everyone's tongue is a fire. The question becomes, who has lit the fire on your tongue?

This little thing in our mouth can bring both blessing and ruin to our lives. Consider that when the Lord wanted to bring ruin on the wicked he turned their tongues against themselves (Psalm 64:8). It is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth (tongue) speaks. So when it comes to the tongue the change must start in the heart. As James says, no one can tame the tongue. The only way to get the tongue to fall in line with God's word and way of doing things is to get your heart fixed.

Psalm 39:3 says:

My heart grew hot within me,

and as I meditated, the fire burned;

then I spoke with my tongue:

What you meditate on in your heart fans the flame that lights your tongue so that you speak. Have you ever been really angry about something and you just wanted to tell off the person that had done you wrong but they were not around you? You meditate on what they did or said, you stew up good and the more you dwell on the issue the more the fire burns within you? Then the person shows up and you are just like a volcano waiting to erupt. You spew your hot lava out your mouth faster that they can digest it and they are looking at you all confused because you can't seem to hold back. Well, I've been there. Today God is telling me that if I am to say things that are in line with him and his word always, then I must meditate on this word and marinade it in my heart at all times. That way when I open my mouth to speak, only his word will come out.

Look at this words from Job 33:2-3

² I am about to open my mouth;

my words are on the tip of my tongue.

³ My words come from an upright heart;

my lips sincerely speak what I know.

When you open your mouth with the words ready at the tip of your tongue, you will speak from your heart and you say what you know!! What do you know? Listen to yourself speak. What is coming out of your mouth is what is in your heart. Whatever is in your heart is what you know. Do you need to change what you know?

If you are a marketplace Christian like me and have been called to take back the Kingdom's resources then you have a land to conquer. God gave Joshua direction on how to conquer the land in Joshua 1:8

⁸ Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

The word of God is what you need to know. Read it to yourself out. Meditate and Marinade your heart in it all the time. Practice that word so that it becomes a part of you. Then you will naturally speak it and you will become prosperous and successful. Psalm 73:9 says:

⁹ Their mouths lay claim to heaven,

and their tongues take possession of the earth.

You posses with your tongue!!! It's no wonder then that the devil would seek to fill your tongue with negative things. With lies, destruction and evil. He knows that the way to take possession is with your tongue. Meditate on this word and let it sink deep into your spirit. Your tongue is your instrument for possessing the earth!!

Proverbs 18:21 says it clearly:

²¹ The tongue has the power of life and death,

and those who love it will eat its fruit

Don't speak death to that which concerns you, speak life. If your business is struggling find the word of God that speaks prosperity and success to the work of your hands and prophecy to your business before you begin working. If you are employed do the same. Begin to speak life. Tell your business that it shall live and not die according to the word of the Lord. Do you not realize that in Genesis Ch 1 the world was void and dark but the Spirit of the Most High God was hovering over the water, in that darkness just waiting for God to say "Let there be" so he could get busy? It is the same with you. You are made in the image and likeness of God. Begin to say "Let there be" and just like God you will then say "And it was so".

As I'm writing this God is giving me an example for us single people. We are to say:

"Let there be a husband (or wife) in my life for God has said in his word that none shall lack a mate and it is not good for man to be alone. His word has said that two are better than one and that from the beginning God made them two by two. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor with the Lord. Therefore let the mate God has prepared for me show up in the name of Jesus!!"

Let that word marinade deep in your heart and it will be so.

Now, when I came across this next verse I was blown away. Song of Solomon 4:11 says this:

¹¹ Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride;

milk and honey are under your tongue...

It occurred to me that the Lord had said that he was taking his children to a land flowing with milk and honey. How then was it possible that milk and honey was under my tongue. Why under and not on my tongue? Under the tongue is a storage place. It is a place of hiding. When we were kids and were caught chewing gum in class I remember the teacher would ask you to open your mouth if you said you were not chewing. You would open your mouth and nothing was there. Meanwhile, the piece of gum was under your tongue. If milk and honey are under your tongue it means that the only way to partake of them is to get them from under there and onto your tongue.

If you want to partake of the good of the land, get the milk and honey from under your tongue. Begin to speak what the word of the Lord says about you, your family, the work of your hands and your health. Begin to speak it and you will find that the milk and honey will come from under your tongue so you can partake of it.